It was a morning of great excitement
on everyone's part: Orion's first day of Preschool.
As I write this he is napping and restless in his bed, tossing and turning
and fighting sleep: so much newness!
Before we got to Preschool he was exclaiming
and wide-eyed and bubbling over with joy about his helmet (for riding bikes there)
and his backpack (a Pixar movie he's not seen)
When I picked him up he melted into my arms and heaved a few short sobs,
asking if he could sleep in the car.
He had the look of a boy who had played and played hard.
Eyes ringed with fatigue
mouth full of new experiences I had not had with him.
It broke my heart
and it made me happy
all at once
like some prophecy foretold by a million moms before me:
you will give him to the world, little push by little push.
My schedule is all changed now, I feel disoriented by it...
the convenience of a babysitter replaced by lots of schlepping and lots of new faces
and for an introvert these are hillocks.
Just like my wonderstruck intrepid boy I will brave these privileged things,
stronger for the new map I will someday easily trace by memory
the women who will become friends
the emotion of a significant leap
For now I will plant my little flag in the dirt
and explore this time and space with fresh eyes
When we catch this strange rhythm
this new melody
I just know it's going to feel