Before the After

I've taken the measurements

snapped the pictures

taken stock of what is right now

in all of its glory:

a body miraculous, recovering from its greatest triumph,

sagging where it fostered life

pulling itself together from a massive stretch.

I've developed a fabulous game plan,

picked the strategy

dedicated my waking hours

to my boy

to my love

to my work

to working out.

people lately have been asking where I am getting all of this time,

how I am making and doing so much with a little one

and here is my answer:

I have a wonderful husband, wonderful family and a calm little boy (on most days).

I have cut out anything extraneous from my life

spending my time like it's gold -

-no-

more precious, even:

platinum.

Hours that go too fast, watching my boy discover his hands, holding my gaze with a smile,

my heart wrapped in damp chubby digits

tooling while he sleeps, fantastic ideas I run for and catch like fireflies...

talking on the phone with people I love

kissing my husband, healing the thousand tiny cracks that parenthood makes in our daily lives...

.

.

Anthony told me about Navy Seals one night when I worried out loud that my work ethic is too balls-to-the-wall (in spite of the fact that I love my pace), how they are trained harder than a body ever should be in order to discover that their capabilities are greater than they knew: it's ok, he assured me, as long as I know when to take it easy.

It's been intense lately: inspiration running hot and heavy

like birthday sex and I am dancing fast just to keep up with it.

There are bags in the works, clutches

necklaces

earrings...

a giveaway to end all giveaways....oh, yes...

so.

On my tombstone it very well may read "Rested poorly"

a fitting epitaph, really

but I have my own Mama to remind me when I get too stringy-

"Stay in bed today" she says, hearing that dull edge from 2,000 miles away

and then I do.

I promise, Mom!

All this to express...something defiant to spite a fear, it would seem:

asserting my right to a natural rhythm, saying that it's okay to strive

bubbling and excited about this upcoming month ( 2 days in!) of a concentrated fitness re-set

Maintaining that I am allowed (in spite of feeling a lack of cultural permission as a new mom, but that's a whhhhooolllle 'nother post...) to claim the power coursing through my creative vein

until it dries up as it invariably does

making room for the fallow weeks ahead.

On that never-too-distant day I'll call the woman who gave me life

sounding like I ran across the Serengeti barefoot

and she'll send me under the covers with a good book

and I will obey...

but for now there is much ass to kick
and precious hours to do so!

xoxo,

A