4 Months

My tiny Nomulan Overlord,

you are four months old today.

Last night as I was brushing my teeth I though of the evening some one hundred and twenty sunsets past

when my water broke and your arrival was imminent;

how I shook so hard my teeth chattered

excited and terrified

by the newness of our endeavor,

both of us doing this for the first time together.

For four months now I've watched you grow chubby from my milk,

watched your Daddy get wound around your dimpled pinkie finger

and I've succumbed to the all-consuming love of a mother

for her cub.

Not that I went down swinging: my love for you was fierce from the start,

from the moment I knew you existed.

I still remember standing in the kitchen looking out at the backyard

sometime last July.

It was morning and the world pulsed extraordinarily

with hummingbirds, butterflies, bees and flowering.

My feet felt rooted differently,

my head felt no gravity my heart had begun its maternal blossoming and I remember saying to myself, "I am pregnant."

Despite two tests that said it wasn't so

despite the fact that we'd only just begun to try...

A wise and beautiful woman in Petaluma

had said some months prior

"There is a soul waiting to be your child. I don't want to tell you to hurry, but.....they are so lovely, so

happy and they love you so much..."

.

Here you are!!

Here you are, my son!!

When I wake in the morning it's Christmas

When I lay you down fresh and warm in your bassinet every night it is with more gratitude than I've ever known;

my home is a Church.

Daily you teach me things about love 

about humor

about God...

Thank you for being patient

with this late bloomer

and for being my baby.

The Most Love in the World,

Your Mama