Interior Ladders.

Every once in a while I like to fancy that I have graduated from my own darkness, that my last descent was surely the end of that stuff; only blue skies from now on.

It's easy during those Halcyon days - easy to forget the presence of Grief and Despair and so hard to let go of the last light moment and answer when they knock unexpectedly on a Sunday afternoon.

RESERVED
Interior Ladder #4

"Oh, Shi- I mean, 'hello!'", you say with a false brightness all the while wondering how long they'll stay and if their boots are as muddy as they look and is that a steamer trunk full of clothes for you to mend? Really?

Yes, it is. Yes they are as dirty as you may have thought and indeed they will track a thick layer of unwash over everything you once found crisp and folded and tidy and yours.

RESERVED
Interior Ladder #1

Rung by rung you will descend past annoyance down through gritted teeth and frustrated tears until at last (weeks past your tantrums and surrender) these unwelcome Holy Visitors hold up a mirror to your bare, haunted and beautiful face and the reflection shows a depth of spirit that revives your will

Until what once drove you batshit now barely catches your eye

Until you've cried a river you could skate away on (ah, Joni..)

Until you understand that you are in the presence of God's most mysterious work when the darkness descends.

RESERVED
Interior Ladder #3

This series is entitled 'Interior Ladders' and I wish most for the pieces therein to impart a sense of fearlessness in the woman who wears them.

A recurring theme in my metal and leather work is aspiring to a sense of self-held grace no matter where we find ourselves; from Ruin to Redemption, a place to reside.

Back in March only weeks after the birth of Orion a dear friend asked if I'd like to take a class with her entitled 'Painting on Enamel' up in Mendocino and despite my fatigue and fears I answered 'yes' without hesitation (and with a lot of active encouragement from my In-Loves who made the trip possible in so many ways). How was I to know that in the affirmative yelp I had built a rung out of thin air? 

I use it now, that ladder, those enameled pieces to travel up and down the daily challenges and rewards of motherhood and artistry.

RESERVED
Interior Ladder #2

I built these necklaces (loaded with symbols and care) in the hope that they help your proverbial feet and hands move up and down the emotional longitude with ease.

Inquiries are welcome Here.

**

A Personal Note:

It took a couple months of running myself sore to understand that there was something amiss inside, something bigger than just simply being a bit 'off'-

no amount of bloating my schedule was going to keep it at bay, in fact the more I ran the faster and more toothy 'it' grew.

'It', I suspect is something hormonal. Anxious, on overdrive. I've made the choice to introduce therapy to the equation and a blessed few days per week of in-home childcare: I am working on being gentle with these soft spots. Working to understand and accept this lower-rung experience in all its Divine Muck. Writing here to say it's beyond OK to shout "Uncle!" when physical or mental health concerns are running you ragged: it's imperative.

I feel hesitant to share this vulnerable place because I don't understand it yet, but if I only come here and write down the lovely parts then I simply add to the Blog-related artifice that keeps so many women reading gorgeous words, looking at stunning pictures and asking, "Why doesn't my life look like that?"

None of them really do look like that when you view through a panoramic lens, my friends, but that's a post for another day.   (The title could be "Aspiration Artifice and Authenticity -or- Everyone Farts in Their Studios" - a very interesting exploration of a relatively new cultural phenomenon!)


I digress.

For today, be easy on yourself. Maybe a pedicure is in order, or a latte: make mine decaf and I'll meet you at that beachside cafe: heaven knows we deserve a treat.

With love,

Sunny