Saturday, September 22, 2007
So, I have a question, and she is a valid one. Why is it that every time I hit a slow week I lose confidence and faith that this indie artist thing can be done? This has happened every month or so for a paltry six months, but the only reason it didn't happen before that time was the fact that I was too afraid to leap into what I knew would be a wave pattern: you must have the ups, and then come the downs.
In the 'ups' I am fearless, on fire... easy to laugh and quick to sleep.
When I am in the trough of the wave I lose trust that there will be another upsurge, that life isn't monochromatic...I lose sight of the pendulum swinging the other way.
Somehow I'd like to trust more. I am certain that somewhere a deity must laugh at me for my middling thoughts because they (the thoughts) are so silly -- AND doomsday -- which doesn't help since I live in L.A. and the apocolyptic possibilties are endless!!!!!
I have drawn several conclusions as my last slow week ( two weeks ago ) left me with some understanding I hadn't gotten in earlier dunkings. These are my notes to my self. Ahem:
1. I am lonely. I work out of my home. I used to be a receptionist for a large company, which was slightly painful, but easier because I adore people. I really, really do. My cats and houseplants will never be able to receive my scintillating conversation the way I'd like them to, which means I have to get out of the house for at LEAST two hours every day.
2. Dismal begets more of the same. When things suck, practice gratitude. The list of things I love and fold into my heart is endless. If the fear hits, remember you have been here before....here in the trough. Check your pulse: you are still pumping blood, which means you survived the previous down-time. Get to listing, chica!!
3. I must stop looking at online gossip sites!!! Ack!!! What a waste of time!! And no, you ( I ) cannot use the excuse that you are trying to find out what the latest fashions are by way of the bedraggled celebrities out getting their morning coffee. You are supporting a terrible trade, missy!!!!
4. Exercise is essential to a healthy mind as well as a healthy body. Keep it up :) And walks on the beach totally count, by the way.
5. What if I gratefully look at this time of quiet in my store as a sort of vacation? A time to fill the larder, figure out tax stuff, grow in other directions?
6. Desperation smells like garbage. Trust is like Chanel Number 5. No one will be able to tell me what I need to do differently. In times of confusion seek thy own counsel. And maybe thy Mom's.
7. You can totally do this thing, I know :)
So next 'slump' period I am going to re-read my list and remember that I have been in this place before and it is nothing to be feared. Perhaps someday I may even learn how to celebrate it :)