Thursday, May 31, 2012

Before the After

I've taken the measurements
snapped the pictures
taken stock of what is right now
in all of its glory:
a body miraculous, recovering from its greatest triumph,
sagging where it fostered life
pulling itself together from a massive stretch.

I've developed a fabulous game plan,
picked the strategy
dedicated my waking hours

to my boy

to my love

to my work

to working out.

people lately have been asking where I am getting all of this time,
how I am making and doing so much with a little one
and here is my answer:

I have a wonderful husband, wonderful family and a calm little boy (on most days).

I have cut out anything extraneous from my life
spending my time like it's gold -
more precious, even:

Hours that go too fast, watching my boy discover his hands, holding my gaze with a smile,
my heart wrapped in damp chubby digits

tooling while he sleeps, fantastic ideas I run for and catch like fireflies...

talking on the phone with people I love

kissing my husband, healing the thousand tiny cracks that parenthood makes in our daily lives...

Anthony told me about Navy Seals one night when I worried out loud that my work ethic is too balls-to-the-wall (in spite of the fact that I love my pace), how they are trained harder than a body ever should be in order to discover that their capabilities are greater than they knew: it's ok, he assured me, as long as I know when to take it easy.

It's been intense lately: inspiration running hot and heavy
like birthday sex and I am dancing fast just to keep up with it.

There are bags in the works, clutches
a giveaway to end all giveaways....oh, yes...


On my tombstone it very well may read "Rested poorly"
a fitting epitaph, really
but I have my own Mama to remind me when I get too stringy-
"Stay in bed today" she says, hearing that dull edge from 2,000 miles away
and then I do.

I promise, Mom!

All this to express...something defiant to spite a fear, it would seem:

asserting my right to a natural rhythm, saying that it's okay to strive
bubbling and excited about this upcoming month ( 2 days in!) of a concentrated fitness re-set
Maintaining that I am allowed (in spite of feeling a lack of cultural permission as a new mom, but that's a whhhhooolllle 'nother post...) to claim the power coursing through my creative vein
until it dries up as it invariably does
making room for the fallow weeks ahead.

On that never-too-distant day I'll call the woman who gave me life
sounding like I ran across the Serengeti barefoot
and she'll send me under the covers with a good book

and I will obey...

but for now there is much ass to kick
and precious hours to do so!



RosyRevolver said...

God, I love you. Fully.
Bang on, Sunshine.

Lizzie Derksen said...

Holy shit. I have no doubt.

Sierra Keylin said...


Sunny Rising Leather said...

You are my Girls: thank you :)


WillowMetals said...

You are awesome!!!!

Nialah said...

All I can say is GO ALLISON!!!


UmberDove said...

Woman. Just, WOMAN. YOU are the eighth wonder. You've got some lady balls and I love them.

Also: "I don't want you phoning it in, these abs don't come for free!"

Can I be your long distance workout partner? Ms. Michaels and I spent 30 today and I thought of you while doing compound lunges.

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Love you, M :)

Sunny Rising Leather said...

You, too ms Heather!! Xoxo

Sunny Rising Leather said...

I like to think we did our compounds at the same moment, sisters in serendipitous exercise twin-dom!

I cannot wait to see your exuberant self again!!


Jaime said...

Good god I love ya Sunny - you're a fierce force to be reckoned with, and damn inspiring!

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Thank you my sweet Canadian princess :) sending lots of love your way!

Amy Nicole said...

You go girl!

jordan said...

go mama go! I"ve fallen on and off the exercise bandwagon so many times since E came - i haven't been so out of shape in a LOOONG time. i also havent been so skinny. figure that! nursing a wonders

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Thanks, Amy!! Xoxo

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Darling if I had your angel face I would wait for men to come feed me Bon bons and fan me!! :)

Cat said...

you are awesome!!!!

Love and Light

Unknown said...

LOL......You are truly the best!!! You have more "balls" than I will ever have!!! Seriously......YOU ARE THE BEST!!! <3

Debbie said...

It would be a privilege to know you, sweet Allison "Sunshine"
I REALLY love your blog, your sweet boy, and how you express yourself.
I may only have a couple of your pieces in my collection, the connectedness I feel when I read what your write strikes me to my soul.
You are beautiful, inside and out!
with the warmest regards!

bonddi said...

You go girl! I think your body is lovely, just like it should be post baby. You should be proud! Me, I gained 80 pounds, yikes! Little Orion is just the cutest little soul. I am so happy for you.

Katherine Willis Pershey said...

You look beautiful. As someone else noted, just like it should be. And yet I see that look in your eye and know how surreal it feels to be in a postpartum body.

I humbly suggest training for a sprint triathlon. Actually, I enthusiastically suggest it. I feel so, so good, and I love that the inherent cross training means I'm not doing too much of any one thing. Half mile swim, 14 mile ride, 5k. One week from tomorrow! It is not something I ever thought I could do and I'm practically drunk on the physical power I feel. And this, less than a year after having baby #2. Both times I was postpartum I despaired that my body would ever be my body again. Not just the look of it, but the foreignness of it. And now my body feels foreign in a completely new and marvelous way. Today I discovered my calf muscles, and Ben and I spent a good ten minutes admiring them. At any rate, regardless of how you're kicking ass, you're going to kick yourself into a new and far more wonderful physical reality.

And let me just add one thing: Im going to feel like such an effing rock star when I hike up my tri top to nurse the baby before my wave sets off next week!!