Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The Way Back

From the moment I met my son earthside
a great shift occurred in me,
one of beauty and newness.

I have struggled much over the last few months to both redefine the shape of my life
and leave myself the fuck alone because for God's sake, look at what I just DID(!).

There have been moments of such powerful sadness, loneliness and fear
dancing in overlap with awe, wonder and spectacular blisses

so much so that the idea of center, the earthy notion of grounding has
been all but lost in the emotions and thoughts.

In the last few days I have sensed a peace come over my life;
peace that came from purpose -
from a series of actions and decisions spaced
like breadcrumbs for my airy energies
to re-tether around my soul.

Here is a list of what works for me - in sharing it my greatest hope is that you find something that also creates balance for yourself, dear reader.

The Way Back

1. Scale back belongings
If one's life is a pie-chart full of relationships, tasks and things it's so easy to feel that bloated sense of 'too much' far too often, especially in this day of constant communication.
One way that I reduce the amount of fullness (being that relationships are of the utmost importance to me)
is to reach into cupboards, closets, drawers, chests and shelves with the sole purpose of
reducing their contents by at least half.

Maybe for your own unique life balance the 'too much' that needs culling are tasks or socializing online or in town.

Everything can be explored.

2. Get Moving!!!
During the last half of my pregnancy, I had the instinctual sense to stop exercising as I once had, even beyond the cautionary recommendation of "no heart rate above 140" - my body told me nightly walks were the height of exertion: I listened, and when I look at my boy I am glad for that.
After the doctor gave me the green light to exercise again, I dove in with abandon (except for abs)
and honestly I relish every drop of salty sweat that miniature Jillian Michaels bosses out of me from her tiny home in the DVD.

Sometimes our physical lethargy is a necessity, sometimes it is a choice: if it's a choice then take an evening and get on a machine, run into the hills, afro-belly-boogie until you drop and see if you don't feel a tad more like your feet are connected to the earth.

3. Give What you Want to Receive
Want more love? Love more! Want monetary abundance? Volunteer your services for those in need!
Want peace? Bring calm into your actions and interactions.
It sounds so simple but it can be utterly challenging to be present.
The benefits, though, are astounding and well worth the attention and intention.

4. Gratitude
When I feel blue and morose, a few gratitude lists throughout the day can make the biggest difference:
it sounds silly, but it keeps you accountable for your blessings
and we all have something for which we can be grateful.

What are your blessings?

5. Fumble Around
I allow myself bad days, lost days that are simply mine in which to grump, fuss
and gnash my teeth - the permission seems to lessen the need to fall deeper into despair.

Go ahead: call in sick, get in your sweats and throw yourself a pity party for one: a good cry can be just what the doctor ordered. "Tears are a river that carry you somewhere" are the wise words I read in a book after a particularly hard year and I loved that image: we are never stuck in an emotion unless we fear it or fend it off with the dull stick of procrastination.

Meet your sadness, your fear or your unrequited love where it lives: you might find that once you do it will take your hand and let you guide it up and out.

6. Change your Focus
If something is frustrating or limiting you in some way, do something else for a while:
answers tend to come when the mental gaze is allowed to wander
from its dog house:

"the watched pot never boils" can also apply to career success, the acquisition of wealth and the magnetism of love.

Go out, get lost in a field somewhere
throw a ball
see a good movie
call your mom

remember that there are lots of good things in life once you remove your blinders.

(This one is particularly hard for me to do, but when I unplug from my obsession, man oh man does the tide turn!)



So there you have it: my puzzle pieces for righting the capsizing ship.

What works for you when things look bleak?



MrsLittleJeans said...

I like your suggestions. The only one that does not work for me most of the time is #1 because it is not in my control and I think that is the culprit ~90% of times. I do all of what you suggested indeed ....thank you for the reminder. Sending you LOVE! xx

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Squeezing you, Mona!! I am sure spending time with your marvelous boys in the mornings must do wonders for your spirit, too :) xoxoxo A

WillowMetals said...

Love this!!! Such wonderful advice!!! I can use some of these things in my life! And yes,look at what you just did!!!!

Gosh, Allison, he is SO gorgeous!!!! I bet it is hard to even take your eyes off of him for a second!

I think becoming a mother changed me deeply and it still does. The world looks completely different now and I love what I see!!! :)


RosyRevolver said...

I love you. I will be reading this often over the coming days. And sunlight, if anyone could make it back brighter, warmer and clearer than ever before, it's you.

Welcome to the world of rose colored glasses. Cheers to the pains and pleasures herein. Much love from the east.

mairedodd said...

a wonderfully comprehensive list (i am so impressed as i know how exhausted you must be)...
deep breaths...
conversations with the universe that express my gratitude...
and always the knowledge that i have a choice in how i respond vs. react to things (for as i get older, i finally feel that practice paying off)...
which can bring me back to gratitude for the opportunity to exercise that muscle - it is easy to feel good and be at peace when things are good and peaceful... we can only master such practices under less than ideal circumstances... (am i sounding like a crone?)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing those wonderful thoughts. I love your music and remember you and your child whenever I listen to it and send good wishes and prayers your way.

Cat said...

this my friend
is a wonderful practice to follow
so so very very good
I love it
as Rosy said...no one can bring the sunshine quite like you♥

you are doing amazing..the first few months are another world...that is normal
I won't give advice
I will say this to you as a big sister to a little sister
don't forget you...no matter what....don't forget you...when we remember who we are, we give our children the biggest gift ever
I wish someone had told me that when I was starting out...but who knows, maybe someone did and I just didn't understand the language of self love quite yet : )

thinking of you
holing you up
and giving gratitude for you and your wise thoughts today

love and light

Katherine Willis Pershey said...

You're a wise mama.

Candace Morris said...

I've been musing on this post for a few days now. My sister in law recently warned me of the struggle for the new mamma regarding reestablishing daily structure and soulful time in addition to battling postpartum depression (or not. even being on guard because you MIGHT have it can be a strain to continually manage). I like your list. I recently made one myself, about how to be happy at home.

The one you mention that has stayed with met the most is the cleaning out of things. Getting rid of the dust and contemplating a fresh way to yourself. I have that urge a lot right now.

Another thought..unfortunately, the thing about being in a true depression is that it not only steals you from the ability to enjoy your life, but steals the DESIRE to regain the ability to enjoy your life. I've had many lessons (thankfully successful) wherein I simply had to stop struggling to get out of the dark and learn to sit patiently to finish its work with me. (Which I appreciate that you also mentioned) I strongly, STRONGLY recommend Thomas Moore's "Care of the Soul" if you haven't read it yet.

Wouldn't it be grand if all of us new blog mommas actually LIVED close to each other? I know I will need the support.

Sybil Ann said...

I love "remember you."

So often we're so busy taking care of everything else we forget to take care of ourselves.

And a key for me has always been sheer bloody-mindedness. I will do what needs to be done, cheerfully and with a positive spirit - and oddly, I can usually convince even myself that it IS so.

I cried in Tuesday Morning the other day for the lost and auctioned pieces of my former life - then shook off the funk and bought a new rug for the porch and a shelf for the bathroom. Onward, soldier.


Jenna said...

This post is so true and well worded. I'm going to dog-ear this page. Here's to finding/making the way.

(and I'm sending you an extra dose of love from the heartland today)

Amy said...

Love, love, love this post. So very honest, an uplifting. You made a difference in my day. So happy I found your blog!