Sunday, August 12, 2012

Un-man the Gates!

The world will not eat you alive if you are vulnerable: it may smell your fear and chase that trail
for years
but it will not vanquish an open heart.

Love destroys petty fuckery even if you cannot see the battle.
Try it: spend a lifetime pitting your spite against it, your smallness: these things will never slake a thirst.
They need hate and competition to thrive -it's love that forces the surrender by starvation. It then gathers the opposing side in its massive arms and turns them into lovers.

This weekend something beautiful happened: I'll give you the Cliff Notes version:

I understood (after attempting to reconstruct the previous for months) that there is no arrival point in this postpartum world
just a requirement that I be as brave as possible and open to the shifting landscape without trying to stop the car.

A dear beloved girlfriend came down from San Francisco to visit today. She had spent the better part of three months globe-trotting; India, Guatemala, Mexico, Costa Rico. She spoke of her travels and noted that 
traveling alone requires you to use all your intuition, all your senses working at full throttle.

'Yes', I nodded in strange understanding.
This place I am in right now feels foreign and distant and exotic
though I may never even leave my home to go there.

Every mother I talk to affirms the huge shift that takes place after the arrival of a new life so dependent and always changing - 'new normal' is the phrase so often used.

Instead of clinging to the old and deceased way of living that died with my placenta
I am opening again
to the ever-changing now

to the
understanding that today's joy may be tomorrow's confusion
or sorrow or something else
and yet it's all ripe
and abundant and alive
with potential.

A bit of a magic carpet ride...
can you imagine what riches we'd know if we opened to all of the places inside with the wonder of a traveler


With the open heart of a lover?