Preschool

It was a morning of great excitement

on everyone's part: Orion's first day of Preschool.

As I write this he is napping and restless in his bed, tossing and turning

and fighting sleep: so much newness!

Before we got to Preschool he was exclaiming

and wide-eyed and bubbling over with joy about his helmet (for riding bikes there)

and his backpack (a Pixar movie he's not seen)

.

When I picked him up he melted into my arms and heaved a few short sobs,

asking if he could sleep in the car.

He had the look of a boy who had played and played hard.

Eyes ringed with fatigue

mouth full of new experiences I had not had with him.

It broke my heart

and it made me happy

all at once

like some prophecy foretold by a million moms before me: 

you will give him to the world, little push by little push.

My schedule is all changed now, I feel disoriented by it...

the convenience of a babysitter replaced by lots of schlepping and lots of new faces

and for an introvert these are hillocks.

Just like my wonderstruck intrepid boy I will brave these privileged things,

stronger for the new map I will someday easily trace by memory

the women who will become friends

the emotion of a significant leap

.

For now I will plant my little flag in the dirt

and explore this time and space with fresh eyes

.

When we catch this strange rhythm 

this new melody

I just know it's going to feel

like home.

xoxo,

Sunny