Back when I was six months postpartum Anthony and I did this series called "Insanity"
in an attempt to find balance with our bodies and bond a bit after he came home from work:
we were essentially captives of a six-day-a-week program that was so balls-to-the-wall
Hence the name.
On the DVDs the instructor would go around and talk to the participants
and ask them questions and they would breathlessly answer
and every once in a while he'd turn to the camera and be like, "Do you see her face?
She's IN IT."
'Her' face would be slightly zen, absolutely badass
and totally committed to the task at hand,
getting through this cardio onslaught
Well, friend -
I am IN IT right now.
"It" being life.
I am laser-beam precision
at the fine art of living the fuck out of the day
while balancing all of the bits
and doing it with love sweet love
and an awareness that time is the only commodity that matters a lick to me.
I want to hold the slightly sticky hand of my son and go on an adventure walk.
I want to make delicate and beautiful things in my shining studio.
I want to talk to my people because they lift my spirit and guard my heart.
I want to scratch a furry chin, be it Schmilly's or a cat's.
I want to lift and squat the heaviest weight I safely can in the musty musky gym
with my headphones on blasting Salt-n'-Peppa.
I want to drink iced tea on the back stoop at 8 pm totally exhausted
because my day got my all.
Because I am IN IT.
So I do.
Some days I get so tired I deflate by three p.m.
and Orion comes over to my boneless form on the couch and kisses my cheek loudly
and fusses around me gently before it devolves into painful gymnastics
with my limbs as the jungle gym
When I get impatient and fussy enough to rival any toddler I look at those in my care
and observe that moment from their perspective: there is no rush,
no place for them to be. They are exquisitely present
and it softens the hard parts in me and we go on.
Rinse and repeat. All day, every day.
It's such an exercise in cultivating grace.
I like to think that if Shaun T. came to my house on any given day
when I am wearing all the hats and juggling an entire fruit trees' worth of oranges
that he'd turn to the camera (of course there would be a camera, silly!)
and he'd get all serious and intense and say, "Do you see her face???
Do you see that dedication????
This woman is