IN IT.

Back when I was six months postpartum Anthony and I did this series called "Insanity"

in an attempt to find balance with our bodies and bond a bit after he came home from work:

we were essentially captives of a six-day-a-week program that was so balls-to-the-wall

it was….insane.

Hence the name.

Right.

On the DVDs the instructor would go around and talk to the participants

and ask them questions and they would breathlessly answer

or grunt

and every once in a while he'd turn to the camera and be like, "Do you see her face?

 She's IN IT."

'Her' face would be slightly zen, absolutely badass

and totally committed to the task at hand,

getting through this cardio onslaught 

on camera.

Well, friend -

I am IN IT right now. 

"It" being life.

I am laser-beam precision

at the fine art of living the fuck out of the day

while balancing all of the bits

and doing it with love sweet love

and an awareness that time is the only commodity that matters a lick to me.

Money, schmoney.

Beauty, schmooty.

I want to hold the slightly sticky hand of my son and go on an adventure walk.

I want to make delicate and beautiful things in my shining studio.

I want to talk to my people because they lift my spirit and guard my heart.

I want to scratch a furry chin, be it Schmilly's or a cat's.

I want to lift and squat the heaviest weight I safely can in the musty musky gym

with my headphones on blasting Salt-n'-Peppa.

SHOOP.

I want to drink iced tea on the back stoop at 8 pm totally exhausted

because my day got my all.

Because I am IN IT.

So I do.

Some days I get so tired I deflate by three p.m.

and Orion comes over to my boneless form on the couch and kisses my cheek loudly

and fusses around me gently before it devolves into painful gymnastics

with my limbs as the jungle gym

.

When I get impatient and fussy enough to rival any toddler I look at those in my care

and observe that moment from their perspective: there is no rush,

no place for them to be. They are exquisitely present

and it softens the hard parts in me and we go on.

Rinse and repeat. All day, every day.

It's such an exercise in cultivating grace.

.

I like to think that if Shaun T. came to my house on any given day

when I am wearing all the hats and juggling an entire fruit trees' worth of oranges

that he'd turn to the camera (of course there would be a camera, silly!)

and he'd get all serious and intense and say, "Do you see her face???

Do you see that dedication????

This woman is 

IN IT."

xoxoxo,

Sunny