Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Little Vulnerable

This is how I feel today: kind of not quite ready for the world...
the exceptional town I live in currently is a place I would remain in a perfect world.
It's so lovely, so old and venerable
and the earth
like a blanket
and I love that, I really really do.

And now I have a daily companion: my neighbor's dog, Seven. He is this massive, shy dog with ice blue eyes and a gentle-ness whose grace I cannot articulate. 

He sits outside of my door while I silversmith, but he is scared of louder noises and takes to the grass when I start tooling leather.

The wisteria are blooming, as are all of the beautiful plants I fell in love with when we moved here. When we came to Petaluma I felt that they were waving such a welcoming 'hello!' and now it feels distinctly like a bittersweet goodbye.

Los Angeles was hard to leave because of my dearest girl and boyfriends, but Petaluma is hard to leave because of the earth. I feel like someone planted me here with benevolent intentions
and now I am getting repotted somewhere else...

I know San Jose will be amazing -
I will find a yoga studio straightaway (today is day 28, by the way!)
and a park to seek solace in.
I will look forward to our upcoming trip to see Phil and Jessi get married in early May,
to Jillian coming in mid-May to create with me
Matt and Irene getting married in July 
my sister coming in September 
and a myriad of other things to pull me through....

I am just sad, that's all.
It's not a bad thing, just a process of unwinding your grasp from something you think you need to be happy.

I did it with Los Angeles: I unwound and found genuine happiness here - I know without a doubt that my strong soul can do it again.

But how do you say goodbye to those eyes?



Katherine said...

Oh, do I ever relate to this.

We just signed a lease today!

Much love to you, dear one.

MrsLittleJeans said...'s not easy! Take it easy!


PS-what a cute pup, and of course, the cat's got the right idea, curling up makes everything feel better every single time

mari said...

You asked: How do you say good-bye to these eyes?

Answer: You don't.

You carry them with you in photographs and memories and in the pages your eyes bear silently in the backs of their own minds.

You carry them in your heart.

You are leaving one ground for another, but the earth moves with us, and against us at some times.

Now it moves with you, and you with it.

Be gentle with the transition. I hope it will be gentle with you.


jentwo said...

Allison, my heart goes out to you! Your house in San Jose looks adorable and I'm glad your sweetie got a job that will make him happy, but I think I'd have a hard time leaving a place like Petaluma, too. I hope this transition in your life will go smoothly and that everything will settle into a good place.


sylvestris said...

Moving can be exciting and energizing, but it's tough, no matter how you slice it.

The last time I moved, one thing that made it a lot better for me right away was watching the cats explore, claim, and settle into their new space. MLJ is right--a curled-up cat is home sweet home.

(So are other things...but cats wield a great soft power.)

sylvestris said...

...Oh, and WOW, what a dog!

Dave said...

yes... great eyes...

susie said...

Wish I could send you a hug across the internet. Wishing you the best in your latest adventure.

p.s. I love that dog, and I love his name.

p.s. Love the belt you tooled for Jillians buckle - a beautiful marriage.

Fringe said...

I'm so happy to have found your beautiful blog (thanks to The Noisy Plume :))...I've always loved your work.

I do understand your feelings. It's so hard to say good-bye. I'm certain you will make many happy memories in your new home though.

I look forward to following your path as you go...


Jeweled Blossoms said...

I have no other words of solace to offer, only that my college roommate currently lives in SJ and if you and hubby are in the hankering for the best garlic knots ever, just let me know and I'll direct you to them.

Much love,

RosyRevolver said...

Sending hugs and comfort your way. I've never been one for change- at least not until I was well adjusted to it.

Hang in there, lady. Hold tight to Anthony and breathe.


Michele said...

Your memories are everywhere, in the clouds, in the flowers, in the Earth and on the wings....

mary said...

Buy a painting of Blue Dog - go to Carmel before you go to San Jose and stop in the artist's studio! Blue Dog in many many manifestations and situations. Have a wonderful Move In Weekend! AND: maybe we'll see you in September too!!! xoxoxoxo Mary
PS would love to see an enlargement of the photo of 'you' from your secret weekend.