Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Where Do I Begin?

It all started the day we found out that Jones was going to die.
Somewhere in the most vulnerable darkest part of me
a seed was planted in the loamy black soil.

I was pregnant, scared of the overwhelm of grief
and completely unprepared to lose my first 'baby'.
I still have a hard time with the missing of him.

In the ensuing weeks I cried and I processed delicately and I tucked away little bits of overwhelm in a place that felt big enough to house them.

Flash forward one and a half months to the birth of my amazing child:
body recovering, relationships all being rearranged,
careworn and clueless
I had so many pieces of confusion to process that I began secreting them away again
in that place whose walls were now full to bursting with pains and slights and fears.

I kept my house clean
I worked with joyful hands
I made dinners
drove my car
ached secretly
fell in love with a baby boy.
I did it all and then some;
I pushed and pushed and proved things to myself, things of great value.
I know now.

Orion is now nearly four months old and the dam inside that place has broken:
it is time to deal with the Untouched and Unloved.

I had so much to tell you, about my visitors and how much I love them, about my gratitude for this place in all its beauty and discomfort, but I am so tired; soul tired. There are dark circles under my heart and a five o'clock shadow on my toes.

This is my last collection to offer for a while.

I will have a giveaway here on this blog in a few days and then it will be a bit quiet until
I can sort through the dim and bring back a pearl.


This necklace is one of the most meaningful I've ever made: the wing is hammer-engraved and took a million calendar years to finish, but I have and I've never been more thrilled with an outcome.

It's huge.
It's outspread.

It's a wing to uplift, or to drop down sharply;
to dive into caverns or soar to the heavens and its message is this:

fear not.



Jacaranda seed pod necklace with the palest massive faceted chunk of amazonite.

For your heart, for your solar plexus.


Jacaranda seed pod earrings with amazonite beads an a sweet little high-domed piece of the stuff.
asymmetrical to the nth degree

These are the front

which fit together to form a pod

And these are the backs: beauty coming and going.


if any of these pieces are yours.

With love,


MrsLittleJeans said...

Dearest Allison- I think I know what you are saying and some of how you feel... sometimes one has to surrender and breathe and restore, right? I love your latest creations... I do have a fav but am holding out to see who grabs and if one is truly mine xxx

Cat said...

I adore you. Rest and find your pearl. xoxox

Cat said...

I am so touched by this post
so deeply touched
you are a brave, courageous woman
and you will find your way through this season
as you have done before and will do again

the winged piece is stunning
I feel it♥

be still and know.....

love and light

Mari Huertas said...

You brave, soul-beautiful woman.

I hear you. I feel you.

I hope you can find relief in quiet and gentleness and only return when you're ready.

Take everything easy.


P.S. The winged piece, truly, is beautiful.

Libellula Jewelry said...

Take good care of yourself and do what is right for you and your little family. That is all you can ask of yourself.

Celina Wyss said...

Absolutely stunning pieces! So sorry for your loss, it is always so hard to say goodbye.

kerin rose said...

this is some of your best.....truly....

Kelly Reece said...

I've been reading your blog for a few years now and think you should look into HSP which means "highly sensitive person". It's not at ALL meant to be rude. I just recently discovered it myself and can relate HUGELY. I wasn't sure if maybe you did too.


Katherine Willis Pershey said...

Take that much-needed sabbatical and know that I am always here to talk. Love you.

Candace Morris said...

Rest well.