Saturday, November 24, 2012

Finding the Rhythm

We are home
and though I cannot speak for Orion or Schmilly I report a heavy heart
for myself.

It's never easy to leave family and it gets more and more poignant as the years go by.
When it was just the two of us it felt like a vacation and now with the three of us it's like a gift that unwraps over and over again with each moment, squabbles and all.

It's silly, but I always come home with something from I've 'borrowed':
a pair of sweatpants from my sister
a vintage enameled colander from my mom
a pair of old ratty cutoff jean shorts from my Poppy
and when I see them in passing
or wear them for any length of time
they feel like a hug
and that means I've stolen a few more moments with my people.

The air is golden and warm here
full of California's finest paradoxes:
too much traffic
breathtaking hills
quaking earth
sweet cottage living

Days like today are few and far between, when exhaustion from traveling literally puts a kabosh to your best intentions and the most you can squeeze from the hours are a few loaves of bread and a baby who laughs and cries within minutes of the other,
surely teething, certainly set into a new orbit of the old normal.

Orion's learned how to clap now and loves to show off this trick. 'Yay!!', we all explode when he does it and this gives him so much pleasure.
'High-five' is next.

Babe traverses his environment with a series of rolls and spins, not interested in crawling with his legs: he prefers to stand on them, relaxing down from his tippy-toes and dedicating whole minutes to sussing out every detail of a toy with an eerie adult-ness that makes me think he must have been an engineer
in a past life, some tenacious part of his brain refusing to let go of its knowledge.

You can practically hear his thoughts as he sticks out his upper lip in concentration, "Contemptible chubby fingers!! Oafish grip!!"

There's this whole new level of melancholy to leaving now... the next time we're together he'll be talking, maybe walking and I want everyone to see the in-between.

While Orion naps
and Anthony catches up on his interests
I am going to read just for pleasure.
And rest.

It's okay to take time and rest in it.
It's okay.


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