I had an appointment this morning with our pediatrician
whom I adore so much.
When we arrived I noticed that Orion was signed up to see someone else, a lovely male doctor (ours is a young woman, younger than me) who told me the news with tears in his eyes
that the woman who has been our baby's link to all things health since his birth
has been diagnosed with a cancer that she will not recover from.
That she is closing her practice to be with her two very young sons and her family.
I think of her warm, kind eyes and I cry.
Remember that post I wrote here?
A friend told me not to be too proud to ask that it be so, that my mother come to see us
and without those words of hard-won wisdom I would have not blurted "now!"
when the woman who made me asked, "When should I come?"
She will be here tomorrow night very late.
She intends to be of great service
I just want to look at her
and drink in the moments
because everything feels so darn fragile these days
like a loose weave spiderweb sweater
I just want to find good brioche with her,
watch her watch Orion's amazing little personhood
note and ignore where we've both aged
and appreciate the season of our lives.
My heart is busy beating prayers for our Good Doctor.
I cannot imagine the weight that a terrible prognosis brings
nor the choices that must be made.
I just trust that she is lifted by those around her
and made whole by love
which is our only true resting place.
may we all live live live live LIVE the fuck out of life
until we are parted from it.
Don't waste another moment.