Over the course of the last six weeks since my car was totaled and my body was rendered 'limited', I've had a slew of opportunities to re-interpret my relationship with the world around me and those nouns that I am lucky enough to know.
Fears have been greatly reduced in some areas and magnified in others;
I have rediscovered the beauty and power of therapies both physical and emotional...
I have gained weight from obvious and necessary inactivity (normally my heart rate is up at least five days a week; vigorous yoga, brisk walks, etc...) and found myself in the mirror puzzled and charmed by this new woman of exaggerated hourglass proportions...
today I think she's actually completely delicious, frankly.
I have come up with a few new concepts that I'd like to write down so I can reference them in the future:
1. True power is simply facing life openly. Not running. Not shirking. Laughing, loving and functioning in the face of uncertainty and challenge.
Being honest and respectful of one's emotions and caring about those near and dear,
or far away, unfamiliar and brave.
2. My career is only a small part and yet a huge piece of who I am. Not being able to spend hour after hour making (even now) means that I have a larger piece of day in which to explore...
I've discovered passions for so many things I never had the time to look into:
cutting and re-growing succulent plants
roasting chicken and root vegetables
3. I am allowing God to shower me with experiences and abundance. I cannot steer this ship alone, and I am no longer comfortable with having a limited amount of faith - there IS enough of everything I need in this world.
That has a nice mantra ring to it....
There is enough of everything I need in this world.
I feel like the last few years were lacking in gentleness. To clarify: I had plenty of gentle thoughts about the world, about my friends and family and customers.... I wasn't particularly gentle with myself.
I worked until I burned out....
I burned out until I got re-inspired in a violent way, overcome with design ideas so ferociously it was all I could do to hang on...
and over and over this cycle pitched and howled until the crash happened...
had it not happened would I still be driving myself so hard?
Now I chuckle when the creative urge burns too brightly to even follow: I am doing what I can, and letting it be enough. I am chewing ideas slowly and thoughtfully.
I am sitting still, taking longer breaths.
I am drawing boundaries in ways that have always scared me, trying less to be inoffensive and more to be authentic.
I am engraving more, pushing more into designs that suit this new voluptuous skin. Hammer forming, elk skin belt in progress, etc.
I am not beating myself up for the places I've languished and ironically, this new gentle approach to life has yielded tens and tens of less hours wasted looking at distracting, mindless stuff online.
I am getting more done with less time to spend
and the tiger in my chest
from a cub to a teenager...
I am not afraid of my life right now, and I am growing more and more comfortable with the idea that I am more powerful than I've ever imagined.
baby steps to
My greatest hope is this: that you (lovely reader) don't require a jarring life experience to set you back on track if you are askew:
ask yourself where You might be kinder to You
in your daily dealings with life and the world
and listen to the response with an open, generous heart.
We should all take our own counsel as we would a friend.