Yesterday evening there was a bit of upset in the tone of a voicemail from a friend.
We were trying to make plans for a short visit as she drove north
and we'd been texting and voicemailing with no direct contact.
I had set my phone aside for the better part of a full day.
Surely she was frustrated.
Up until that moment I had felt
like the captain of my hours, like a success...
the grocery store
the wrestle to establish napping
some administrative duties once the nap happened
running this house, this business and this life with my head on straight.
as soon as I detected that subtle shift
and found that I had let someone down by not being timely
I felt wobbly on my legs
Not at my dearest friend
not at my fussy child with the four molars burrowing through his gums
but at the fact that I dropped a plate somewhere amongst the thirteen spinning simultaneously.
I called my girlfriend and ungently listed all of the things I am trying to do at once and
without taking a breath I cried,
"I just need grace! Just give me grace!!"
She was amazing as she always is, a true lifer.
The phone call was brief and established everything we needed to know for the following day.
The truest grace, though, is something I needed to grant myself
for having thirteen spinning plates and only dropping one.
The truest grace I could give myself is the permission to know that no matter how many I drop or how often it happens I am still whole and loved
To be gentle
and to do my best
in each moment
with trust and love
filling my own well (like the oxygen mask on a plane) so that I might give generously
of my time
I made this necklace as a token for that moment when you find you need a reminder to
be gentle and graceful with your own sweet self.
The petal is one from a few flowers I plucked on a walk not too long ago
on a day when I was practicing moving meditation and self-care
with healthy gusto.
You can find it
I offer it up with a toast:
here's to our health
to our faith
and our goodness...
may they all be strong and steady.