1 Month of Makery

Sitting here enjoying a Braxton-Hicks contraction in my kitchen,

I fully realized that this is my last month of un-rationed makery before the babe

sees the sun...

I was pawing through my beach detritus looking for stones I could use for a long-promised set of bridesmaid pieces and it turned into nesting: sorting,

paring down, a wee bit of fretting...

What will I make?

Here's what's on the benches in various phases of beginning-ness:

a few final flower rings in copper and sterling,

a very few engraved wing pieces

one last big bag with an anatomical heart and symbolic chakra theme

Self-cabbed chrysoprase with fern frond necklace

mandala clutch

a few mandala half-belts

.

.

.

Knowing that I cannot take a maternity leave in the way most women do (I cannot possibly go three months without digging into something creative and delicious, I just can't, even if I have to sneak 20 minutes every few days...)

there may be the odd piece here and there between March and June,

but mostly I suspect there will be a lot of savoring family

and staring at the One who has given me such joy

throughout this miraculous time we've spent attached.

I am nervous

excited

heart-sore

elated

pulsing with life

anticipating...

My sister's visit was a wonderful thing, full of laughter so fierce it reminded me to do more kegels

and sharing so honest and familiar that I could practically feel my heart knitting itself delicately back to wholeness as we spoke...

What a gift she is to me!

xo,

A

Trio of Duos

In the

Leather Shop

Now.

My sister is coming into town tomorrow and so I am off to prepare the house

to her specifications (none, but I love to fuss)

and count the seconds until I squeeze her.

There will be shopping

perhaps a high-fashion photo shoot

and more love than I can even prepare myself for!

Until next week,

Sunny

Early Morning Story

It's been nearly two weeks now of this heart-pain that wells up in grocery store aisles,

during breakfasts and upon walking around every corner of our home...

two weeks of wondering if I can speak his name without tears (nope)

or tell the story without having to pause for composure (not yet)...

12 days of intimate monologues spoken at God where I shake my fist and apologize and profess gratitude at what gifts we have and then cook and bake furiously to nourish our family

back to smiling...

I work,

I shake my fist

I talk to girlfriends and boyfriends

I walk

My hands turn into bear paws around 8:00 PM

My husband organizes our list of items needed for baby adorably

We talk about a five year plan

I try to return emails and nap instead...

I've been awake since 4:30, Orion having decided that modern dance training was best done on a schedule that shows he's dedicated to his art, New York-style....

he's up in my ribcage and it's amazing the amount of sensation it creates

but I will say this is the first time he's woken me up from deep slumber

practically belting, "Gottaaaaa Daaaaaaance!!!" like a Broadway star...

I love him.

I cradle him now, wrapping my arms around the beach ball bonanza that is my stomach,

belly button out and proud.

I shouldn't be writing this tired, but I am because it helps.

It is company.

The sky is still dark and I cannot call my Mom without waking up my Schmill

and perhaps I will erase this all tomorrow after I catch the three hours more slumber I require to be rested....but for right now I see this medium as a

childhood-paper-cup-telephone of sorts to the women

I adore around the world

many of whom have have been woken up by errant baby limbs at 4:30 AM

or have lost a soul they loved...

my tribe.

I wanted to share a moment of levity with you,

a laugh that surely saved our sanity in the midst of chin-wobbling grief.

We went last night to pick up the ashes of our Jones

from the Emergency Clinic where he passed away like a whisp inside the warmth

of Anthony's arms

and

of course the tears, goodness the tears

and a hold-on hug in the car

and a too-tight grip on the little cedar box in my lap as we drove

silent

and then I ask Anthony,

"Wasn't the company that made Jones fit in this box called Babbling Brook Something?"

And Anthony says,

"Yes, that or Mossy Meadow or Peaceful Pine Grove..."

and we chuckled a bit

because who the fuck comes up with these horrible misnomers?

and then I wondered aloud why they weren't more forthcoming in their business name

about the macabre nature of their business

and Anthony says, "Maybe because 'Crazy Eddie's Pet Incineration and Carpet Cleaning' doesn't have the same sort of ring to it that the others do..."

and we belly laughed

like you can only do with swollen eyes

and a broken heart.

It was the first indication we've had that there is a way out of this

dim place, that this world is ridiculous enough to be funny

even when you hold one of the loves of your life on your lap

in a box he himself would have knocked off the kitchen table to wake your ass

up at 5:00 A.M simply because he wanted a headbutt and a chin scratch.

Life is bananas.

xoxo,

A

I Carry You in My Heart

RESERVED

Yes, you are gone.

Perhaps you moved to Paris with the job that we both agreed you could not pass up

or maybe you've crossed a river mythic and entered a land of mystery where we will someday

run to each other

as though not a day has passed...

Certain as the sun will rise I ache your absence

and receive you in dreams

that make waking feel like a task...

Yes, you are gone

But I carry you in my heart.

The ghost of you

The life of you

The wonder of our time together

in all its beauty, mundane and special...

I could either announce my love for you to the world

or keep it secret and silent in my heart

like a special stone

tucked in my pocket

on whose surface I run my finger over and over

until there is a groove

like 1,00 years of wild wind over the hills of Marin...

For some reason it appeals to me more,

that gentle confidence of loving you

like a confession only I can hear

A prayer

That things eternal now rest in His palm

as safe and loved as when they touched mine.

.

.

.

This bag is a lightweight one,

with a very long (42 inch) strap for cross-body carrying.

It is meant for someone who understands.

Inquiries welcome

HERE.

xo,

S

The Work of My Heart

RESERVED

I know that all of the pieces I've been tucking under my palms over the last few weeks

have been coming from a place of healing

And I know this because I feel bolstered by them, fed by them.

They are surely the work of my hands, but the impetus has come from the heart.

In this collection there will be a celebration of our little boy's namesake

constellation and that celestial body's role in my childhood

But there is also a reverence for ghosts and longing in these pieces...

In Hawaii the wall of maidenhair ferns outside of a lava tube arrested my attention for far longer than the main attraction itself: I was so amazed by their tenacity, clinging to a sheer-looking rock face,

the young tender green ferns living side by side with the white

ghosts of plants previously thriving

empty of chlorophyll

and simply beautiful in their starkness...

RESERVED

We live with our dead, too, just not in the same way.

These pieces that feature the white ghost ferns

are an homage to those we've loved

both living and gone.

There will be two half-belts

one raw-edged golden deerskin bag with mandalas on both sides

three or four pairs of earrings

and a necklace.

I hope to show them to you finished on Thursday

afternoon.

If you feel that any of these pieces resonate with you,

please convo me

to receive the details of their cost, measurement and feel.

I wish you all a calm, gorgeous day here on earth.

xoxox,

Allison

Swooping in to Make Things Sweet

My sister-friend Terra flew in to see us this weekend before embarking

on her whirlwind tour of Europe,

and she brought her little Elliott Osito.

Together they've filled our house with much-needed laughter, joy

and near-painful cuteness.

We are so lucky to have a friend (two, if you count the pom love!)

like this who hops a jet just to spend some time.

I hope your weekend is treating you gently

in all ways.

I have new work to share with you this coming week,

mandalas and constellation

work in leather and suede.

With love,

Allison

Forced Harvest

On Monday night there was a hard freeze here in the Bay Area.

Weather service announcements spoke of bundling up your succulents,

taking in fruit from the trees...

the thought of losing the bulk of our Meyer lemons, small as they still are

was a tough one and so we had a forced harvest;

somewhere around ten pounds of lemons from two trees.

I have plans to make Meyer Lemon sorbet

and can a few containers of curd for the coming months, for friends...

but today I made THIS cake as a surprise dessert for Schmilly

and I snuck a bite.... it has the most exquisite texture and taste of any sweet I've ever

made.

I've been trying to include delicious things in our everyday since Saturday night

because we are just so sad

with our swollen eyelids and ragged voices.

I've not returned a lot of communication

and I am not answering my phone very much; I spend a lot of my time in the kitchen

or in the studio tooling mandalas

to bring a bit of meditation into this tough process...

Please know how much I (we, actually) appreciate every word and gesture.

I have a companion throughout it all, though, and she makes my days bearable.

She is so vigilant, so kind and so very maternal, all things I need so much more than ever...

when I nap she sleeps against the babe under the covers,

impervious to his movements

and when I crumble

she comes close and curls into the space between

my massive belly and an arm,

looking into me and blinking slowly.

She runs around the house calling out to her missing alpha

and yet with each passing hour she seems to embrace her new role with gusto...

(trying on the crown, as a good friend said very recently)

we are a home in transition

bumbling and tripping our way through grief and sadness

mixed with the anticipation of a new life...

I stand in awe of the dichotomy.

xo,

S

.

My heart is so broken that my fingers can barely type the words:

our sweet Jones is at peace

and we begin our unique journey of mourning and celebrating

his beautiful, hilarious and willful life.

He was the only animal I've ever known

who solely belonged to us as we belonged to him.

When visitors came, be they family or friends he was always cordial (with the exception of peeing in one visitor's suitcase, good Lord I was so mortified)

but it was Anthony and I who were given the fullness of his heart and his magnificence.

When the house was empty of guests and the last car had pulled away

he would give us tons of headbutts and cuddle in close

as if to say, "Finally, I get you both to myself again."

Like so many gorgeous young things with huge charisma and passion

in massive supply,

he burned hard and fast

too briefly

for us to show him

the years of love we have to give.

When I think of our grief I feel very sorry for myself, for Anthony...

but when I think of his soul

I feel like the space around my heart is miles wide

and blue as his eyes...

as the sky.

xoxox,

A

In It

This morning I awoke to the drumming of tiny arms

and legs in my body

at 8:42

The thermostat read 58 degrees , quickly remedied

and as I puttered about quietly I heard the

healthy hum and whir of the furnace

making cozy

Coffee woke the man I love

Cat food can opening brought in the furry one I spoil

and I chuckled to myself

as he whirled and mewed at my feet,

full of spark and life.

We all assembled in the kitchen

over steel-cut oatmeal with cranberries and walnuts

Janey got her dose of love

Jones got his pill, his shot and as many pets as he would suffer

after such abuse

And our son rolled happily all through it,

stoking the ever-growing wish to meet him

and see that sweet face:

we're so excited hold him!

This weekend it is my wish for you

that your cup steameth

and overfloweth

with goodness

and abundance:

we send our regards out into the world

with love.

xo,

Us

Cascades and Blooms

Have a lovely and restful weekend,

dear reader.

xoxoxo,

Allison

How We Are

I've wanted to write here every day and

share the joy or the concern therein

but I've been learning that I can't;

instead I've worked like a madwoman, escaping into ever widening circles and patterns on leather and metal.

It's roller coaster enough here in my heart, I am certainly not going to

get you all excited and then crash you over and over again.

This is all to say that we are full of highs and lows, and instead of growing frustrated with them, I am trying with all my grit (and I am gritty as all hell)

to have patience.

Yesterday we took a calculated risk considering the state of Jones's heart

and went to the vet for a fluid tap to see if we could get him more comfortable.

1.5 liters of fluid were drained; I know, I know it seems impossible...

he was a champ all through the process, outwardly calm and patient with everyone involved

and the level of comfort that he is experiencing now is amazing as compared to before the visit:

he greeted me at the door today when I came home from a walk.

I picked him up as I've always done and he laid his head on my shoulder as if he were normal

except there was no purring

and he has that haunted look of one not well

but I celebrated anyway

in my heart;

balloons, chocolate cake, one more moment of normalcy with my little man.

Heavens, don't let me cling!!

Janey has been such a good girl through all of this,

a dedicated darling nearly always perched on my lap.

She spends the day with me in my studio, enjoying the big comfy chair

as Jones gets the couch all to himself, a coup!

Something of significance that this time of weighty decisions

has gifted us with:

deference.

I have been unsure of the difference between instinct and fear in my heart of late;

the masquerade ball is in full effect, and just when I've convinced myself that something is so definitely instinct

it rips off its mask and shouts, "Aha!! Fear wins again!"

in an upper-crust British accent, drunk with glee!

Oh, dear....

so when it came to the decision to tap the fluids, I deferred to my husband who was passionately for it: I would rather we had regret than resentment,

wondering what could have been if we had only tried...

Partnership is amazing that way; when you falter, there is someone else there to help

things balance out and vice versa.

.

So that is where we are, this is the state of things...

constantly in flux

given to random bouts of joy and fitful tears,

considering the lightness and weight of the daily

with as much grace as our prayers afford.

We are well, we are tougher than we knew (both two and four-legged)

and perhaps that

is the miracle we've hoped for all along.

With Love,

Allisunny

.

All

are

Listed

xo,

A

Brush Strokes

Note:Oh, dear! These went so much faster than I could have ever anticipated:

I will work on a few more pairs of earrings and a necklace or two for Monday's

Leather Shop

refill:

thank you so much for catching the feeling that these babies are giving, and be sure to stop by on Monday if you missed the reserves!

xo

Mandalas

RESERVED

Get

Their

RESERVED

Moons

RESERVED

And

RESERVED

Suns...

RESERVE PENDING

Expect the ensuing necklaces

and earrings

to be in the Leather Shop

Monday.

Is there a pair of earrings that speaks to you?

A necklace that demands you wear it?

Please do

CONVO

me.

I will mark them each as they are reserved.

With love,

Sunny

Being of Service

I have become a devoted servant over the last few days

holding up a dish of water under a thirsty chin

faithfully injecting helpful medicines

sitting by the low bed that is home

waiting for the signs that we would normally never wish for...

And in between I work

and do the laundry

and nest a bit.

I've found that mostly what I want to create are patterns

or pieces using plant materials

mandalas

new metals

like red brass

And then I hold them all in my hands and see that the results

of the instincts are measured and peaceful:

I like when pieces have a feel to them.

I like when the intention of a piece is to be of service, a small heartfelt caretaker of the part of us that craves beauty and needs to drink deep.

Yesterday I bought a painting from a dear friend and I could tell the moment I looked at it that it was going to heal and unify bits of life that so need it:

with every piece she sends out, a sigh of relief for the receiver, a gift consistent in its giving from day one to generations next...

Today my friend Laurie Brown is heading down from San Francisco to say hello to all of us,

and I cannot wait.

I sincerely hope that all is well in your world, dear reader;

is the sun shining where you are today?

xoxox,

Allisunny