On Monday night there was a hard freeze here in the Bay Area.
Weather service announcements spoke of bundling up your succulents,
taking in fruit from the trees...
the thought of losing the bulk of our Meyer lemons, small as they still are
was a tough one and so we had a forced harvest;
somewhere around ten pounds of lemons from two trees.
I have plans to make Meyer Lemon sorbet
and can a few containers of curd for the coming months, for friends...
but today I made THIS cake as a surprise dessert for Schmilly
and I snuck a bite.... it has the most exquisite texture and taste of any sweet I've ever
I've been trying to include delicious things in our everyday since Saturday night
because we are just so sad
with our swollen eyelids and ragged voices.
I've not returned a lot of communication
and I am not answering my phone very much; I spend a lot of my time in the kitchen
or in the studio tooling mandalas
to bring a bit of meditation into this tough process...
Please know how much I (we, actually) appreciate every word and gesture.
I have a companion throughout it all, though, and she makes my days bearable.
She is so vigilant, so kind and so very maternal, all things I need so much more than ever...
when I nap she sleeps against the babe under the covers,
impervious to his movements
and when I crumble
she comes close and curls into the space between
my massive belly and an arm,
looking into me and blinking slowly.
She runs around the house calling out to her missing alpha
and yet with each passing hour she seems to embrace her new role with gusto...
(trying on the crown, as a good friend said very recently)
we are a home in transition
bumbling and tripping our way through grief and sadness
mixed with the anticipation of a new life...
I stand in awe of the dichotomy.