Greetings from this sleepy Sunny on Christmas Eve from my parent's adorable house in Pennsylvania - it's been a lovely few days of catching up with dearest girlfriends and staring at my parents and sister trying to memorize their faces for yet another season.
I've also allowed myself to fall apart lightly: these last few months have been nothing short of intense with Anthony's sudden job loss and the increase in my own business. We have proven ourselves to be an even more formidable pair of lovers than I could have ever anticipated, but in trying to be as rock-like as possible I have found a thread or two have come loose returning to the safe haven of my parents' house.
All these evidences of my childhood around me (the safest and most idyllic time I have ever known) have touched a chord inside that aches for how brave it is to simply be an adult. Sometimes that alone gets you weepy.
Schmilly is in Arkansas which is where I was to be this year on the rotation of family holidays, but I couldn't bear to be without my intensely close nuclear family, so all the Schmills lovingly and gently understood and let me go where I needed to be.
I am doubly lucky.
Doubly in love with my double families.
I miss my Anthony, our rituals and how accustomed I have gotten to his nearness - accustomed is not the right word: I love having him near- it's more passionate than 'accustomed'. I'll let you know when I find the right term.
In the meantime, tomorrow is Christmas. I am more excited to give than receive.
I am reading The Daily Coyote by the luminous Shreve Stockton and my goodness, this book is shining, lovely, honest and great. Please do yourself a favor and invest in the evidence that growth is all around us and amazing to discover.
I adore you all and send you absolute hugs and hopes that your holiday season opens your heart and holds you tight in its warmth.
Tons of heart,