Sometimes you just kind of fall apart. Last week I did: I know at least one person who reads this blog who can attest to a teary convo and some deep frustration, heavy and big.
I am hesitant sometimes to be whole here on this blog (read: share the more difficult parts of this path): I think it's important, though, that you know the Being behind the doing.
Every day since last Friday I have been climbing out of that place we all visit often when creativity is the norm: there's just an overflow that happens and it hurts: it's kind of nameless and you try to pin it on something specific and it ends up being a salty soup and typically it is a result of everything that ever happened since that last good cry you had two months ago.
I am just sad this last week or so.
I miss being able to tell Liane that I'll be right over, or telling Terra or Katherine that Wednesday for lunch is best. I was explaining to a friend via email last night that I am at that phase of my 'breakup' with Los Angeles where everything about the place sounds enticing and all of the memories are pristine and happy.
That's not reality.
I live in a lovely small town now: today I went out into it with a desire to experience a little bit more, solo.
I got a pedicure: neon pink
Every step was measured and full of calm breathing: to the Post Office, to the nail spa, to the Market for lettuce and lemons and milk....
To the backyard to visit with the peas that are just growing so beautifully...
I watched my willful little Siamese eat the metal window hardware, determined to experience the true flavor of brass...
Apparently, it haz a flavr.
I am off to tool leather for some custom orders and hopefully to put a few pieces in the shop.
Your support means the world to me: thank you for visiting here, for your kind hearts and good intentions. I am so crazy about all of you and hopefully, after June I can put a smiling face to many of your names.
Love love love love,
Allisunny
14 comments:
Usually I'm just a lurker who oooh's and aaah's over your jewelry (that last drusy one was breathtaking!) but I wanted to comment and offer a (totally non-creepy, boundary-respecting) cyber hug. I wish I had something soothing/wise to offer but all I can say is that I understand- just moved from Oklahoma to Los Angeles and am (I didn't expect to feel this way at all) really missing Oklahoma. Simplistic as it'll sound, walking does help- getting out and seeing the area and claiming it as your own.
Love the cat pics- what a cutie. :)
Amanda,
I am so glad you wrote: thank you so much :)
I just moved from Los Angeles: I am actually going back on May 1st for a gig at the House of Blues Sunset Strip ( I am on at 8:45)- maybe you can say 'hi' in person :) ?
Los Angeles is going to bring you soooo many angels: it is an amazing city. Please let me know if I can help YOU in your time of adjustment :)
xo,
A
The first month we moved there were many days I called my husband at work in tears. I thought we had made a terrible mistake moving. I missed everything I knew every day until one day I just didn't quite so much. Moving is hard - sending you hugs and support. Bloom where you are planted.
P.S. Your toes look fabulous!
Dearest Sunny,
I am sorry for your sadness.It takes a courageous heart to move from a place of great comfort to a chapter of strangers and utter newness. you are doing so well and look at those toes!! wow, love that pink. please take care and know you are so so very special. xoMichelle
Susie,
Your words give me SUCH faith that all is well: I have a feeling it'll feel different soon :) Thank you!!!
Michelle,
Oh so lovely to hear from you here on my bllllog!! You have been in my thoughts yourself :)
I'm so sorry you're feeling blue! Be good to yourself during this time, and have patience. You will get back to your center in due time, but this is part of growing and learning and meeting new people and places. At least, that is what I have learned over the past few years since I've moved out here. ;)
If you want some company, I'm happy to offer you some company (in a non-creepy, boundary-respecting way, of course). I live just about an hour or so south of you, and I'm always up for a weekend adventure in the bay area! :)
-Stacey
p.s. - I freaking love your kitties! They are gorgeous. I have a big black manx, but I've always had a special place in my heart for Siamese. :)
Cyber hugs from me too. I can understand how tough it is to uproot yourself, and you have done so with such a great outlook. Just remember that you are (in the words of your own recent pieces)-- beginning and an incredible pillar of strength.
Your kitty is crazy-cute! Mine is happily curled up at my feet.
Have faith and little by little your new town will feel like home.
-Emily
Stacey,
I am totally taking you up on that before I leave on tour.
You are magnifique!
Elaine, you are so adored: thank you for reminding ME :)
Emily - Ah, Kittehs... don't they make everything more bearable?
I'm a bookworm, so of course I have title for you to peruse as you weather out this time of transition:
"Letters to a Young Poet" by Maria Rilke.
PS- 'Love of Your Life' is a wonderful song and it brings me joy to hear it.
lady
your kitty is a kitty supermodel. SO freaking handsome. i would nuzzle his face in my neck and kiss his little head if i met him. even if he fought me over it ;)
things will get better - you're brilliant, you live in an AMAZING place in an extraordinary house, and you have your man and your kit-kats. and just think - future visits with your cherished friends will be so much sweeter with the distance between you. sending love your way
jordan
Cyber Smoochie from one who really can feel your pain as I have lived in 4 different places since moving to the USA in 2004. Your new roots in your new home will come dear friend. Be patient and take delight in the things you can know and love about your new home and new life.
Love you.
JSL
PS Fire me your new mailing address so I can zip you snail mail.
illustrator: one of favorite books: time to revisit it :)
Jordan: Jones would completely allow you to snuggle him Depending on his Mood. This 'moody' thing he's got going is hilarious: he either wants love in the worst way or wants nothing to do with anything other than playing or stalking a fly. Cats ;)
Plumerella,
Address convo'd, love received and doubled for a boomerang return :)
xoxoxo
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