Monday, April 18, 2011

If I Then I

What's yours?



susie said...

Thank you so much for this, I know it relates to so many more issues than just weight, but as a woman who has gained 70 pounds over the last 10 years this really hit home. I have a handful of things I deprive myself of based on my size (clothes, exercise classes I'm embarrassed to take, expensive make-up, sexy shoes, etc.). I'm coming realize that this self induced depravation eats away at self esteem and has left me feeling unworthy of so much more.

Thanks again so much. My if...then will be signing up for a yoga class I've been wanting to take.

p.s. Love you with the short hair- so pretty. Hope you continue to grow stronger after the accident and feel better with each passing week. Wishing you well.

Jaime/Bella-Bijou Jewellery said...

I needed this more than anyone could ever know right now.


Sunny Rising Leather said...

Thank you so much for sharing that: it's a darn shame what we deny ourselves in the name of goals, isn't it?
Yoga is life-changing. Even though I can only do mostly restorative and yin classes, I still take 3-4 classes per week without fail.
It'll knock your socks off.

Love to you, dear writer.

Sunny Rising Leather said...


I am so glad I recorded it, then - it always feels a little vulnerable saying something so very personal here, even though it is MY blog: I just feel so passionately about living boldly and having those things that are within reach now.

Not buying a 10,000 rug when the bank account is dry, but getting that stone and setting it for yourself, or receiving a pedicure WITHOUT the silly words that go before it like, "If I run alllll of these errands then I can get a pedicure" - I want the pedicure first thing these days ;)

Hugs to you, sweet girl. Sorry to go on and on there!

Lizzy Derksen said...

"If I finish all my homework, pass my exams, get straight A's, earn 7000 dollars to cover tuition and rent next year, lost 15 pounds (!), keep the house clean, run a 10k, keep up a "social life", clear up my skin, grow out my hair (!) and get a raise, then I will write."

All I want to do is write.

Sunny Rising Leather said...


And you write so




Fuck the raise, etc; I think the world needs more of your wordsmithery!



Cat said...

Shred it girlfriend. :) You look amazing and you are amazing. I need a haircut too- thank you thank you for your words and the reminder. Off to make a list (oh, for the dear, dear love of lists) of the things to do NOW.


Lizzy Derksen said...

Allison, sometimes it feels wonderful to be given permission to do something.

Thank you for being so brave and honest.

Jaime/Bella-Bijou Jewellery said...

Allison, I am truly grateful you did record it! I feel like I have spent a great too much of my life doing this. I am always the person who finds a reason to not do things for herself, or to feel like I don't deserve these things.
"I haven't lost the 20 pounds I have put on over 2 years yet - so I don't deserve to buy any new clothes until I do"
Seriously, thank you. Sometimes you just need someone else who "gets it" and you my lovely friend are just that.
Thanks for being my "someone"

Anonymous said...

Crazy how the online community works. I first met you-well not really, but I learned about you when you were a featured video on Etsy years ago. I loved hearing your songs, and loved admiring all your pretty necklaces (the fish and the flower were my favorites).

Fast forward a couple of years. Here I am reading through Cup of Jo's responses on Motherhood, and I came across your name and thought it had to be you.

I remember you with your long blond hair while going shopping in the leather shop for the perfect leather (from the video), and you look just as beautiful with your short hair. This was such a sweet video to watch. I'm so sorry you were in an accident.

I know exactly how you felt about the weight thing. I was constantly hanging carrots with the if and then. I had always thought about maybe getting my hair cut short, but kept thinking I would need to lose 10-15 pounds so my face would look thin, and it would look right. Finally after having my husband talk me into it, I chopped it all off. Super short pixie. Everyone loved it. I have gone back to super long hair, but only because I love sticking my hair in a bun, braids, or ponytail.

Anyhow, thank you for being vulnerable. I know it is hard to do, but it truly helps other people relate, and fell empowered to change.

Wishing you all the best.

Anonymous said...

love love love
awesome words
so true
weight is a state of is how you feel about yourself that matters
life is in the now
that how we should embrace
lovely video
I hope it touches many!

and love the great!

love and light

Echoes of Norway said...

Allison, I did the exact thing late last summer. I always told myself that in order for me to cut my hair short and look good in it I will have to first lose 15 pounds. However, one day I had enough of waiting, made an appointment and got my hair cut short after having had long hair pretty much since my early teens. It felt so incredibly freeing. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had that extra spunk of confidence in my step. And still to this day I don't regret having cut it, plus it gave me an extra kick in the butt to go back to my pilate regimen.
Thank you so much for sharing this! So important to not put conditions on ourselves and just do what could potentially bring more joy into our lives.

Set Love Free said...

Allison, You are so, so beautiful - inside and out! I do believe you to be one of the most courageous women that I know!! Peace and Blessings! --Lisa

reconstructing sarah said...

if i can get that bezel to stick, then i'll....


thank you for everything, dear lady! i enjoyed our chat! :)

Kathleen said...

We do this so much dont we? I do it a few times a day with balancing work and what I want to do.

your hair looks wonderful!

Debbie said...

Hi Allison!
What a beautiful video! You are so precious!
So funny how our hair is tied to what we perceive is the real us!
One thing is clear, whether your hair is short or long, your person that you are inside will always shine!
I always had long hair, my 88 year old mother still has beautiful thick hair. Last summer, I had a "melt down" I was hot, I was tired of blowing my hair straight, I walked into a super cuts (something I would NEVER have done) and said... CUT IT OFF! hah hah!
now, 9 months later, its still short and I love it! I feel like I discovered its really ME after all! I was holding on to my "youth" by holding on to my hair. Now I feel free to be my 58 year old, and proud of it self! Wow, its been the most liberating thing since I burned my bra when I was in high school...LOL!
No more hair dryers for me!
Now, you HAVE inspired me...I really want to take a yoga class...I'm not going to wait until I loose the 30 lbs I need to...I'm going to not be sad or embarrassed about putting my leggings on and going for it.
Thanks to you, my new friend!

Sunny Rising Leather said...

My Beautiful Life:

ah, the top-of-the-head bun - that is the one thing that makes me sigh whistfully about cutting my hair - I love that there are things to celebrate at any length - the freedom from the summer heat will be a big joy for me this year, and perhaps some year a bun again ;)

How amazing - the world is small here online, is it not?

Cat B: go make that list, girl! And know that I'd pour you some Irish breakfast tea if you were here :) xoxoxo

Echoes: oh, the power of pilates!!! I love that discipline so much - I dream of the day I can have a reformer here at home!! Congrats on leaping and letting that be your encouragement!!

Lisa, oh, wow, thank you so much!!!! xoxox to you!

Sarah: you have to let me know about your bezel situation as it develops : I cannot wait to see the beauty you create, sweet lady. xoxo

Kathleen - we really, really do: I think in some ways it's healthy, but it can get punitive really fast for me:
thank you so much for your kind words! xoxoxo

Cat: love and light to you, dear lady!!!! xox

Debbie: I credit yoga and my regular practice of it (it's not really yoga if you don't show up on the mat, right?!) with a lot of changes in my heart and mind: there is a wealth of beauty in taking that first class now.

I still remember my first class, and how intimidated I was by the bodies in motion around me, still so focused on how I would be perceived: I can say with great honesty that pride disappears after you fall a few times in balancing poses or tip sideways in Warrior I -

all those poses serve simply to open your heart and your energy channels and change your life, not to look good in that new Lululemon matching set ;)

I really look forward to hearing that you have gone, and how it made you feel when you were lying in Savasana knowing you did it!!

Illustratornette said...

I'm not sure I agree with you Alison. I've read that the If-Then mindset is actually an excellent way to program your brain, in order to manifest certain behaviors, because it is similar to how our brains process things. I do think that you shouldn't deny yourself something if it is what you need.
Be patient with yourself, in terms of the weight gain and the exercise. I, myself struggle with getting enough physical activity because of various factors I cannot resolve yet. When I do resolve them, I will do more activity. Till then, let not sweat the small stuff!

Anonymous said...

I Failed Yoga.

That's right - I got an F in yoga class. What kind of uncoordinated, cumbersome, unprepared imbecile manages this? Me.

A few years ago I went back to college, thinking about a career change. I took veterinary anatomy, physiology, terminology, small animal nursing. And I had to re-take biology too, because apparantly the last time I took it in high school it was the Dark Ages.

And I got straight A's! I was so pleased with myself! I decided to take an easy class during the summer to keep my credits going and earn priority registration for the fall semester. Hmm, I thought, what sounds easy? Basket weaving? Cake decorating? I know - YOGA!

The instructor turned out to be a nazi, and after 2 classes and a back injury, I dropped the class. Filled out the forms, handed it to the teacher, who never followed through with it! I didn't find out until the fall. "No, you can't take the surgery course." "But I'm a straight A student!" "No, it says here you failed a class in... Yoga?"

I remember with deep shame the look on his face. Oh, the humiliation.

My If Then: If I can pass a yoga class, I can do anything!

Susan (Puck's Mom)

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Annette: fair enough, lady ;)
I have a tendency not to procrastinate, so the 'if...then' seems to be reserved for more emotional, meaty things for me, which become self-punishing.
It's all about what works for each individual person, really: if it works for you, my goodness, go get it!! xoxoxo

Puck's mom - Ahhhh!!! What a nightmare story: is it okay that it made me giggle?? xoxox to you!!!

Puck's Mom said...


Of course! It's always good to have a giggle. :)

xoxox to you too

ps Your new haircut is very cute!

Still Lily said...

Thank you Allison,
So timely and perfectly needed that this (fellow short haired gal) see your wonderful recording...working hard to banish the "If I then I" syndrome, somehow seems engrained and such a part of how I have always thought, so with the inspiration from this post and my ongoing belief in living fully and boldy, I am moving into a new way of thinking:) it's all good.
Thank you again and this haircut is most divine on you lovely.