Sunday, April 10, 2011

Love

Today I was looking through my photos, trying to organize by folders in a new hard drive, and I came upon some shots taken when I was in Los Angeles a few short weeks ago....
my heart filled to bursting:
how did I get so blessed to have a life filled with strong women, stalwart men, astounding family and friends?

It gets me teary.

I've been working really hard on emotions lately, trying to just 'let it hurt': instead of responding to a perceived slight or challenging words with an aggressive, guarded heart, I've been letting the pain of disappointment pierce me to the marrow.

Letting the more vulnerable feeling wash over me, content in its warmth, knowing that I will not drown.

The wonder that it creates; that my spirit is stronger than sadness, that I have even more space to love without all of that armor... that I no longer have to blame someone for failing me in any way....

it's positively freeing. And really, really requires diligent, disciplined awareness.

I am letting it hurt.

It makes my world open when I think of these loved ones so far away...
I think of our move up north and how we felt so choiceless in our choice, if that makes sense...

when I see Terra and Elliott, Seamus and Liane and my Redlands crew I just have to let myself miss them, let it be.

Let it be.

Let it hurt.

xoxoxo,
Allison

13 comments:

Ashley said...

sending prayers your way my friend : )

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Aw, Ashley, that is so kind: all is well, just a new and wonderful approach to the life of my heart :)

xoxoxo

Cat said...

that is a wonderful way to live Allison
you are right it take discipline and intensional living to allow the feelings to flow and not guard, but it is worth it...and the more you do it the easier it becomes
In return you are more awake then you have ever been, and that my friend is the best gift you can give yourself ever! ♥

I am sure you will inspire others to do the same.

love and light

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Cat,
thank you my dear wise woman :) Love and light going your way, as always I am so grateful for your incredible comments and support. xoxoxo

kerin rose said...

so beautifully you have expressed...the truth of living authentically...you have so much more wisdom and strength than you give yourself credit for, Sunny-girl!
xo

Heidi said...

I really needed to hear this, I think you are so right in so many ways. Yes, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much, I am so glad you write here, publicly!

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Heidi, it's been so much on my mind lately, that there has to be a better way for a sensitive soul to interact with the world, one that doesn not mean shutting off: everyone is poorer when that happens. xoxox!

Kerin, I adore you. xoxoxoxox

Jaime/Bella-Bijou Jewellery said...

Sweet Allison - your words just expressed much more beautifully than I could how I have been feeling. The family home I grew up in ( that my mother grew up in!) will be sold soon and I have been riddled with feelings about it. I have tried my darnedest to push all those feels away because no one seemed to understand my hurt and sadness about it, but recently I have decided it doesn't matter. I doesn't matter if anyone gets why it leaves me so sad - I am sad and I just need to feel those emotions through.

much love to you
Jaime

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Jaime,

It sounds like quite a tender time for you: sending mega-support and a shoulder if you need it... ah, change :)

xoxoxox,
Allison

Belinda Saville said...

What an empowering post, Allison! I only wish I were so self-aware, and had the inner strength to just let the feelings flow, rather than be so guarded.

I need to take a leaf out of your book, I think :-)

Thank you for inspiring!

Belinda
-xo-

Sybil Ann said...

We wouldn't hurt if we didn't love deeply - and THAT would be the real tragedy. There is no up if there's no down.

(And Mom always says, "never miss an opportunity to cry.")

WillowMetals said...

I think your words and approch to life are beautiful. I think you dear lady are filled with strength and wisdom. I really admire your honesty and love that about you. Sending tons of love your way to the other side of the country♥ I hope that you are enjoying spring!
(((Hugs)))

Feri said...

How beautifully expressed! I truly appreciate and understand how you feel you lovely sweet Allison as I am so so so far away from my darling family back home... XOXO Feri