Today I was looking through my photos, trying to organize by folders in a new hard drive, and I came upon some shots taken when I was in Los Angeles a few short weeks ago....
my heart filled to bursting:
how did I get so blessed to have a life filled with strong women, stalwart men, astounding family and friends?
It gets me teary.
I've been working really hard on emotions lately, trying to just 'let it hurt': instead of responding to a perceived slight or challenging words with an aggressive, guarded heart, I've been letting the pain of disappointment pierce me to the marrow.
Letting the more vulnerable feeling wash over me, content in its warmth, knowing that I will not drown.
The wonder that it creates; that my spirit is stronger than sadness, that I have even more space to love without all of that armor... that I no longer have to blame someone for failing me in any way....
it's positively freeing. And really, really requires diligent, disciplined awareness.
I am letting it hurt.
It makes my world open when I think of these loved ones so far away...
I think of our move up north and how we felt so choiceless in our choice, if that makes sense...
when I see Terra and Elliott, Seamus and Liane and my Redlands crew I just have to let myself miss them, let it be.
Let it be.
Let it hurt.