Friday, September 23, 2011

Working Through It Part II

I had this long discussion with a jeweler friend of mine
and in it the subject of blogging in only one's finest moments was parsed:
I know I sure do like to take pictures of the lovely things in my home,
of the recipes that turn out great
or the pieces that fly away to their intended owners,
beautiful and loved from start to finish...

I treasure the art of celebrating the best in life
and I don't see it as a lie, even if the laundry pile doesn't get snapped
along with the triumphant souffle, still risen

BUT

I also think there is a danger in avoiding the pitfalls
of what ails us as humans, each set unique to the woman or man who journeys...
I think there is nobility in revelation.

I feel the need to be here today
smelling of Dial soap (a nose craving)
in my sister's pink turtle shorts
(because it makes me feel like she's near when I wear her clothes)
telling you, my friends
that I am hugely sick to my stomach and I want to cry.
That my work has been mostly left alone these past five days
(a series of feathers and wings)
while I drifted
through time-wasting websites
and Netflix movies I've never wanted to see
In my vulnerable moments I am nervous that this morning sickness will not pass, and I will be one of the few women I know who get and stay sick up to the very end.
In better ones, I feel content even should the above be the case: we do these things for our children out of love, even if we have not met them.
I think that what might be coming on is a big, giant, hormonal cry, the kind where you want your mom to come and give you a hug
and I think that all of this is ok
maybe even
as beautiful
as the perfect tomato
I wanted to show you
instead of my sleeve.

Love,
Allisunny

17 comments:

Mari Huertas said...

You are so very loved.

Sending you warmest wishes across the miles for a steady stomach and easier nerves.

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Oh, my most bean-like friend...
I had a few good days since you've departed and I found myself wishing I could trade them for the shit days I had while you were here....
I hope Gia sassed you as much as she needed to and that you're preparing for your future grandeur with glee! xoxoxox

Sierra Keylin Jewelry said...

Love this post, love your honesty and open heart...

the Gypsy Coast said...

I know this sounds hard-but cherish all of those nauseous moments-your child will love to listen to them later on...I was nauseous for 5 months-which is exactly how long it took my daughter to stop being so colicky :) Don't forget to BREATHE-you are doing great! This will pass--

Kathleen said...

With the bad will come so much good you will burst .

Your heart is amazing and that lucky itsy bitsy you are caring for will know it the second your eyes meet.

I had a horrible time during my pregnancy with sickness so i can understand and hope more good comes than bad for you in the coming weeks!

Janel said...

How about brewing up some ginger tea for the fridge so you can sip on it thru out the day? Ginger is supposed to be good for nausea. keep some kosher passover crackers on hand (like a saltine, but no salt) to help too.

Mind you I have NEVER been pregnant but my sister has been 5 times, and this helps her.

Miso soup is another thing that helps.

You take care of you and you, the other stuff can wait. :)

Have a great w/e!

Nancy*McKay said...

so tender.
so beautiful.
XO

bonddi said...

Gawd, give yourself a break, you are preggo! Feel free to engage in flights of fancy, rants, hope, despair, lust, abhorrence, scratching, etc.......Your mind is not your own anymore, but your body is the vessel that will deliver you both safely... as Bette Davis said "buckle your seatbelts, it's going to be bumpy ride." I always thought those women who waxed lyrical about pregnancy probably were drinking their way through denial. It is really hard, really emotional and it really makes you feel like vomiting. Kinda like the first time you had intercourse, as your doctor would ask? Intercourse sounds like a high school intercollegiate sport..."Alright, whose is signing up for the letter sport of "InterCourse!!!!" Make sure you have a belly laugh everyday and you will be fine, and so will your baby. And, it helps with labor as your vaginal floor thingy will be thoroughly primed and tuned by nine months of daily belly laughs. I think you look absolutely beautiful, so balanced and poised. You go Girl!

Sybil Ann said...

Hang in there Sunnyone (two?). <3

Sunny Rising Leather said...

To each and every one of you, a hearty thanks!
I shaved my legs,
I had a spectacular cry,
I ate frozen pizza and went to bed early, tucked in like a kid by that Schmilly.

All is well :)

Huge love
Allison

mairedodd said...

there is nobility in embracing humanity in its truest sense... the balance... and you do that so very beautifully... be well... wish i could help you with the nausea...

Cat said...

felling you lovely Allison...
been there
will let you know an end will come
it will not be forever
and you CAN and WILL do this

be kind to yourself
(wish I had been)
rest
breathe
take care of you

love and light

Naomi Mimi said...

if i was there, i would hold your hand, make you whatever you wanted, let you cry as much as you needed and tell you how much i admire you for opening up your life and body to being a mother.

we're all here for you.

AnDeeBarrett said...

Sending you love...And wishes for wellness...
ooo{hugs}ooo

Runs4fun said...

ahhh sweet girl. hang in...hang in...it's tough going, but---that's what it takes to create this little miracle. hope the morning-tummy-sickies pass soon! xoxo

MrsLittleJeans said...

Those darn hormones...I hope by now they have balanced and let you have some fun! And I do agree that life is not all highs, if it were, we would not recognize it. Sending you love. xxoo

Katherine said...

oh, dear. i am so sorry you are having a tough time with your pregnancy. surrounding you with love, dear.