For the third time in four years, I find myself strapped in
to a Holter monitor to track my heartbeats for 24 hours.
With each instance they have become more and more user friendly:
this one is 5 electrodes and a battery pack around the neck - hooray!!!
On my way home from the appointment, I got run out of my lane
on a two-lane left turn with a solid white line (which means stay in your lane according to the DMV)
I rolled my window down to tell the woman she was driving dangerously
and explain California traffic laws
only to have her defend her driving angrily and speed off on a green
going 50 MPH in a 30 zone.
I got my first 'diary entry' for a palpitation from that
experience, so I guess....yay?
But mostly it made me sad, extremely sad.
I want to believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they've been
given, I want to have compassion...
We don't seem to realize how we damage those around us:
to her I was a bitch who tried to tell her how to drive
and she may never think twice about that turn until someday someone
next to her doesn't notice her car drift into their lane.
To me, she was a threat to myself, my baby...
We are at war.
So very many of us are at war.
What if she and I would have met instead at the bagel shop down the street?
Perhaps she would have held the door for me
and I would have offered a smile in return,
a warm exchange on a different plane:
I bet she has a lovely side.
All I know is this: tonight she is my tonglen partner
and I will wish her well with all my might.
Maybe tonight you might offer a bit of care for someone whose best is simply not good enough for you, wishing them the strength and courage we all need to get through this
wonderful terrible life.