Thursday, July 2, 2009

Old Treasures and Such

This necklace is made with Sleeping Beauty Turquoise and sterling silver. I look at it now and I admire its sturdy construction (the pendant is at least 16 gauge silver) and the sweetness of the color.

It was purchased for me by the man I moved out to California to be with about two years before we became not we. It doesn't really make me consciously think of him, though I did see his nearly two year old daughter on Facebook the other day and my breath caught in my throat to see that what my younger self wished indeed happened, just not with me.
I don't think we can ever completely quell the part of our younger selves that WANTED with such ferocity that it overtook our better judgment and sometimes our sanity.

I wanted this man in the worst possible way, which was good when I had him but terrible terrible terrible when he decided that the journey had to be made alone.
How desperately I waited for the day when he would come to my door and confess his foolish heart and tell me that letting me go was the biggest mistake he would ever or could ever make.
The days passed, the years flew and eventually the ache subsided into a warm kind of peace, a peace so vast that I was able to invite him into my home that I share with my spectacular husband a few months ago.

I learned patience and self-worth by being...left. There's really no other way to say it... I had to make the journey from victim to universal partner in my own healing in order to heal fully and love again.

You see, no matter what the grand passion of our life has been, meeting the love of our life makes everything change. We must be that love for ourselves, because then when the day comes where we meet someone scrumtrulescent and extraordinary, we can meet them as equals and know double love. That's where the love of self meets the love of another and some sort of cosmic laser shows begins!!

Double love is the kind that stays through all challenges.
The kind that happily brings you soup when you're sick and holds your hand through the joys and sorrows of this amazing life.

Isn't it interesting that just in picking out a necklace for the day I can see back seven years to the girl I was?
I wear it in celebration of the woman I have become.


aquariansoul said...

this is beautiful

crystals4eternity said...

I love this entry, it's so honest and absolutely beautiful! :)

Katherine said...

Amen, sister. Amen.

Interestingly... the necklace given to me by the man who played a similar role in my life didn't even make it to the end of our relationship. The cheap string of (admittedly beautiful) blue beads broke and sent beads skittering all over the floor. No sturdy construction there...

Two Bees said...

Great posting and such a beautiful necklace. It's a good thing to look back sometimes.

susie said...

I wish we could grow without the growing pains- beautiful post and picture, sometimes its the tough stuff that shows us truly who we are and help us be who we want to be. In retrospect, things usually are as they should be. Have a wonderful weekend.

Dave said...

Amen to that sister...

Hey sounds like you stirred up some old sad feelings.. maybe quick write something...


Enjoy the fourth.