Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A Few Things


1. I think I was the only vacationer in beautiful Walker, Minnesota this weekend who spent time (and was rewarded for said time spent (thanks, Seeester!)) searching for deceased dragonflies.

2. Leech Lake does indeed have leeches - mud leeches!

3. My family is my heart and soul: here in Minnesota and in California, too.
I feel held in both places, and it is so good.

4. I had a wonderful, poignant moment in the glow of my parent's home one evening this week:
a realization that this is one of the last independent, do-as-I-damn-well-please-come-and-go-at-leisure trips I'll likely take for some 18-odd years.

I have had the luck and the pluck to do so much traveling by myself
(so rarely does my Schmilly find himself without a game ship date that prevents his napsackery, but Lordy Lou, how I love the coming home to him!)
over the last five plus years: trips to gem shows, gigs in distant cities
just-because-I-missed-you visits,
classes with friends,
voiceovers
and the odd overnight up in Petaluma...

as with every important transition, I shed a few tears at the realization that I get to grow into this new role,
that of a caretaker and mama
and grew sentimental
because I saw different iterations of myself at 25, 28, 32 waving goodbye
from her coach seat,
one carry-on bag neatly tucked beneath her pedicured toes,
the wide world hers to pluck.

I've been so fortunate to travel, to meet new friends along the way
and discover
gems and adventures around unexpected corners
highways and curves to hug and navigate

To illustrate this shift in focus, I will use Allende's beloved House of the Spirits as an example -
.
As a sweeping epic, each generation gets their time in the literary spotlight and passes
the important storyline to the next,
a fictional lineage, documented.

When I was in my twenties I would actually cry
as the story shifted in years and personal focus,
so in love was I with the lives I had just imagined so fully
(I re-read this book every once in a while, a good habit)
-
even a few years ago I wished for nothing more than
to linger on the happy times of just one generation, a partial story

but a few months back I had the opportunity to see the film version of the book
and I found myself eager to see what the changing scenery and generations would
bring to the screen:

it was a strange and lovely way to sense a big shift,
through a work of art I've long held dear
whose meaning grows and shifts with age and understanding...

I feel prepared
and even somewhat elated to help usher a new soul's tale
onto this earth,
into my family history.

I feel like a grown woman.

I know this is rambling, and I don't even know if it makes sense... all of this to say that I am at once saying a trembly-chinned 'goodbye' to a wonderful era
and a vibrant "Hello, Nurse!" to such an important new gift...

5. I am craving orange juice and spaghetti, but not at the same time!

6. This post was brought to you by the hormones Estrogen, Progesterone and hCG.
Burp.

xoxox,
Allison


13 comments:

Sierra Keylin Jewelry said...

hahahaha, thanks hormones for providing these beautiful musings on transition...Mazel Tov Allison!!!!!

heater a. said...

Sooooooo many congratulations to you!!!!!!! I'm 34 1/2 weeks along with my first. Pregnancy is crazy.

I had a very similar realization the other day. I used to throw a bag in my car (I detest flying), with maybe a dog or two, and go on a road trip. It was one of my favorite things, especially if I went alone (not counting the dogs). My solitary drives across the south meant so much to me. I didn't get to go on one this year, and just the other day I realized that I might never get to again. It's a good and a bad thing. I'll miss my lonely road trips, but I'll never resent my daughter for it. Maybe she'll learn to love them too.

Set Love Free said...

Allison, These words ring true!! Motherhood requires a fierce love and commitment - you are going to be an amazing momma!! :) Blessings!! --Lisa

Cat said...

LOL
you are going...no you ARE already an amazing mommy!

love and light

MrsLittleJeans said...

I love Allende....love you...time is your friend xoxo

gallerydarrow said...

An important new chapter here. I know you will be an amazing mom.

Craving for me broccoli, couldn't get enough! :) :)

xxxooo
Ro

mme. bookling said...

This is interesting symmetry in that I was just struck with how wonderful my 20s have been and how ready I actually am to move onto a new phase. Most mothers don't get such amazing 20s! I actually spontaneously journaled about it last night - item after item of all the things I've done in my 20s. Sometimes looking back is the best way to see clearly through the fog of the next step.

I love watching you go through this process...

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Sierra: La Chaim!!!!

Heater - I bet your daughter will love a good road trip: what fond memories I have of being a little one seeing new things....

SLF: Lisa, those are some true and then kind words: muah :)

Cat - Love and light to you, too, sweet one!

MLJ: Love you, Mona I WILL see you again for sure!

Ro: Broccoli sounds like the healthiest craving I've heard yet!!! :) xoxo

Candace: I love knowing you're near :) And your insight and clarity into your own experience will yield all kinds of magic as you go down this road.
xoxoxox

mywifesstudio said...

Congratulations!

Nancy*McKay said...

Oh blessings to you & Schmilly...what a fortunate soul to have you as it's caretaker, nurse, guide, teacher & most importantly, it's mother...many, many blessings!!! XO

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Nancy mckay!!!!!!!! I missed you :)
xo

Tasha Imajin said...

I can't get enough orange juice either! And grilled cheese sandwiches! I'm stuck on an orange food kick, I think.

Dave said...

I'll try to make it over here more often to share your nine month journey... you always make me smile.