Feather by feather I built my day, hearty in a way the last few weeks have not been:
I had the fortitude to work
the stomach to sit still
without needing to lie down momentarily...
I began working on the long-promised 'seagulls in love' bag.
In looking at it again I discovered
something far greater: they are hovering over an egg, their future:
it made me tear up a bit
as most things do these days.
My heart is cracked open by life
It is working on these winged things that makes me feel that I can get through
the solid, bricklike emotions
and the moments of crush.
Yesterday Anthony helped me make the stock for homemade chicken soup:
I cannot even look at raw chicken,
could not even imagine handling onions...
today I chopped the celery
and put them together with the good start he provided
remembering as I worked how
he sat me down at the kitchen table with gingerale
and forbid me to try and do anything -
I know he misses his capable, passionate wife
and yet he is so tender and loving with the pale wraith-like quiet thing that has
become a substitute
I promise him daily that my vigor will return!
I promise myself daily that this, too is beautiful!
at almost three months, I look like I have had one too many burritos
and I am planning our early November trip to Hawaii
as a way to say, "See? Good things are coming!"