Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Re-Learning Our Gifts

Most of my posts lately seem destined to be without pictures:

I have few new external vistas to show you:
my yard, this lovely neighborhood in the city
my post office, farmer's marketing and gentle yoga classes...

But INSIDE....

ohhhh, inside....

there are miracles occurring every day, beautiful things unseen.

To state the obvious, yes: part of the miracle is this baby, now the size of a medium green olive or kumquat

but

the other piece of the marvel is happening somewhere I cannot pinpoint
between my heart, soul and spirit...

it is a reforming of self at its roots:
a cosmic rebirth I cannot even begin to flesh out in writing
but whose light-bones I will try to describe.

I cannot do very much right now, there is little soldering being performed,
minimal tooling:
I feel victorious if I eat well and hold things - that's enough.

I've always been restless on vacations and during times when I've been instructed to 'take it easy', feeling a guilty pull towards perfection and work

but here in this stillness

I am remembering who I am
and the shocker is that it is not what I do!

What I do is the vehicle that puts the love I feel out into the world palpably,
but re-discovering the woman behind the creative action
has been really nice:
a re-introduction to self, to others.

Being that I'm horizontal a lot, I've been allowing myself to do things previously unthinkable:

Watch seasons 1-4 of Mad Men (currently episode 6, season 3)
.
not obsessing about getting my money's worth with my unlimited yoga package
(i.e. going 3-4 times/week)
.
giving up the ghost when it comes to whole grains/lean meats/dark veggies:
right now it's fruit, crackers and Babybel Cheese rounds
.
stop worrying about finances
.
give over to the desire to sleep whenever it strikes me, and it certainly does that alot...

there have been books consumed,
water sipped
letters written and read
real gingerale and ice
sweet, long conversations between Anthony and I where we laugh more than ever before
about things we previously frowned over
patience
prudence
long sighs that feel so good
sweet misguided attempts to dress up that end in comfies again
phone calls
convos
evening walks with the handsomest man I know
meditation
the sound of crickets and peepers in the dark...

In all of this there is a rediscovery of life at its most basic and beautiful:
I am falling in love with everything
letting the right ones in
and cherishing this time of newness and rest.

I wish you a rediscovery or two in the coming days!

xoxox,
Allison





8 comments:

liz r. said...

Such a good time you are having! Keep on with all of that horizontal fun; growing a person is a big job.

I love this sentence: "Rediscovering the woman behind the creative action has been really nice." So well put.

genie marie said...

A little kumquat! Squee!!
xoxo,
Genie

Jaime/Bella-Bijou Jewellery said...

Rediscovery is a magical thing isn't it?
I was laid up with back issues a couple months ago. The mr. was out of town, and I treated myself to watching all 4 seasons of Mad men over the course of 3 days. What an indulgence!!
Now is the time to put you first, because as you know things gonna be changing soon!
xo
J

Cat said...

...*smile*.....and so it begins
your greatest lessons are about to unfold
an amazing, painful, wonder filled time

you're gonna do GREAT!!!

love and light

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Liz R: Hi, my dearest Liz R. It IS a big job! Whew!! :) xoxox

GM: Heeeee :) xoxoxoxox

Jaime: Ooooh, almost as scandalous as all those affairs everyone always has on the show! How do they keep everything straight?!? xoxoxox

Cat - YOU make me smile, lady friend :) xoxoxox

Sierra Keylin Jewelry said...

tears in my eyes,
a smile on my face,

I think I can feel your heart-light all the way across the pacific ocean...

I love this post!

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Dear Sierra,
You are kindred :)
xoxoxo

Alice Istanbul said...

I am so happy for you! Enjoy this time, Allison. Once that baby gets here, it's going to be a whooooooole new world. Your time will never belong to you again ;) So savor those unlimited naps, and indulge in MadMan all you can (love that show). xoxox :)