Somewhere near my sister's home in Minneapolis, Minnesota lies a small thrift store by the name of Value Village, but for my sister and I this shop has become something very different: The Land of the Misfit Santas.
Five years ago we discovered this winter wonderland by accident and found ourselves laughing until we cried over versions of Saint Nick like 'small-hands-big-body Santa' and 'wood plank Santa' and I actually took home a small, misshapen Santa who has become our mascot for Christmas. He has no arms, no legs, and a wild, curly white polyester beard that looks like a cloud of octogenarian pubes.
You'll meet him in time :)
This year I went in armed with an iPhone and caught a few different species of Santa to share with you, because who couldn't use more laughter in their lives?
Please pardon the shaky images: you can imagine that we were mighty jolly what with the extravaganza of freakishness around us!!
Here we go:
Christmas love, indeed! Here we have a burlap rat emerging from a clay pot that has the words "God Jul" handwritten in Sharpie on the side. You know it's Christmas Rat because he's wearing a scarf and hat in telltale red and green.
He is flanked by a tiny Yuletide Cheerleader and is the conveyance method for a sinister little Santa clip-on creature. You would never want to see a close-up of its eyes because sleep would elude you: I should know!
What Christmas decoration is complete without Carolers? Especially a minstrel with a strange earthworm-like growth emerging from a donut hat?
I imagine his voice sounds just like the Swedish Chef....
This time around we found Santa's distant cousin: no arms or legs!!! I think our Santa would be very jealous of this model's ZZ-Top style beard and real fur hat, though, so we left him in the Land.
Oh, dear - Pine Cone Santa, anyone? I wonder if this Franken-Claus haunts its creator's dreams? I also wonder why a store would offer the body-less head of Santa....
Here we have another wood-plank Santa right next to the biggest Santa Regret I have ever had: - why oh why oh why did I not take Disco Boots Santa home?
Look at him!!! He's got on 'his his his his his boogie shoes'!
He wants to shower the children of the world with gifts like 8-tracks of 'A Fifth of Beethoven' while doing The Hustle in his Funky Sleigh!!
Instead of mistletoe this Santa kisses Mrs. Claus under the Disco Ball.
One Armed-Peg Leg Santa, a tragic figure....
But no more tragic than what it must feel like to hug a decapitated child!
I wanted to leave you with something heartwarming that captures the spirit of The Land of the Misfit Santas, so without further adieu, I give you....um .... this creature!!!
I missed you all something fierce!!!