Saturday, August 6, 2011

Wherein the Bean(s) is Spilled

I sit here in my parent's house, Minneapolis, MN
Tapping away at this older keyboard in hopes of eloquently sharing news of an impending life change: I know that it won't come out with the grace and charm I wish, simply because
I am waist deep in the kind of nausea that makes you pray
for well-being
and clarity
but mainly leaves you feeling as though you're stuck in molasses
and a bit of danger!
Two days after I made the fertility totem ring I took my third and final
pregnancy test
after the first two came back negative
(I purchased them from Whole Foods - who does that???)
I knew something was different with me, but I couldn't put my finger on it:
I didn't feel sick
but I found myself caring less and less about petty shit
standing in my kitchen feeling
roots
grow down out of the soles of my feet into Mother Nature's bloodstream.
"Whoa!", I'd exclaimed,
like Bill or Ted on a whole new Excellent Adventure...
I chatted up the checkout folks at the grocery store without blushing
found compassion bubbling up
and the impossibility of having enemies
moreso than ever before
because no rancor could touch this love I felt.
I figured it was the Tibetan Heart Yoga finally kicking in after nearly a year
or
the fruits of meditation
something clear, generous and warm had given me a gift
and it would seem a pregnancy test,
hastily purchased at the corner 7-11 (we keep our preg test purchases classy, you can see!) by my husband that Thursday morning
would shed all the light I needed to see.
It's a baby!
With a heartbeat that
left Anthony and I breathless and moved to tears last week when it
pulsed its stong sound across the confines of my womb to a waiting device...
I suffer for carrying:
the first trimester is tough going in some ways,
but I feel like I've joined some sort of unofficial club
whose members number the trillions
throughout history:
I am touching a beautiful commonality
with some of my best girlfriends
and total strangers.
I know I should wait until I am at 13 weeks,
but here at 8 I am so overwhelmed with physical challenge
that my work schedule (upon return)
will need tinkering
and you'll need to understand my limited capabilities.
Should anything happen and this tiny soul decide this is not the right fit
as can happen,
I also want my tribe here:
I will not suffer in silence a loss so astute
though I feel a great sense of admiration and love for women and men
who chose that as their path:
it is very brave.
So far I've tried:
Sea Bands (liking them!)
Zofran
Ginger candies and chews
peppermint tea
tiny meals
crackers by the bed
music everywhere
hard sour candies (helpful!)
and meditation...
So far, I am aware that some miracles just simply defy
the normal approach.
I pray alot,
I love with a tearful passion
and I turn my head to God daily in grateful acknowledgement.
I ask, I offer
and for as long as I am allowed by heaven and earth,
I grow this life
in awe.
Love you,
Allisunny

55 comments:

Anonymous said...

This will be your legacy...something that will last even longer than gold or silver..and will touch the world in ways that even a well-fabricated piece of metal never could. Congratulations.

Dave said...

Sheer Joy from your friends in Wisconsin... I'll pass the news to the band tonight when we play together at the Freight House 2 hours from you (hint, hint)... Your passion runs over... you and Anthony will make great parents. (so you Mom and Dad moved out of Pittsburgh?) I've must have missed some updates. I've been busy.

Emily said...

Oh my gosh, congratulations Allison!! I said it once and I feel it even more strongly now: You are going to be such an amazing mom.

siobhan said...

this is beautiful news. i hope you will continue to be so blessed. congratulations to you and the hubby :)

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Anonymous, what a beautiful phrase: thank you for it!

Dave, if we weren't going up to walker mn for a long weekend I would totally meet you halfway for tea :) xoxo

Jaime/Bella-Bijou Jewellery said...

I commented on facebook too, but right now all I have to say is:

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

oh, and :

xoxoxo

Jaime

liz r. said...

Oh, Allisunny, congratulations to you both! Such wonderful news, and you will be wonderful parents.

The nausea is hard to take, but it sounds as if you have lots of good strategies for dealing with it. Hope it passes soon!

Lisa said...

Congratulations! That's so exciting! Pregnancy is an amazing (and often uncomfortable) experience. I enjoyed being pregnant (most of the time). I loved the feel of a baby in my belly. :)

I found that animal crackers (the ones that come in the big plastic bear bucket) are really good for nausea.

mairedodd said...

just when you think you have experienced an expansiveness of the heart that cannot be greater, a connection to the earth and humanity that cannot deepen - you have a child within you... and it all becomes infinite... but i d0 find the experience (of life and motherhood) to be like the studies of einstein - quantum physics - attention to the connection between the atomic and the universal... wishing you much peace and health..

Lizzy Derksen said...

You and Emily both! How wonderful. I cannot think of better mothers - your babies are already so blessed. Congratulations!

Cat said...

awesome awesome awesome!!!
this is exciting news indeed
I pray this part of your journey moves fast and swift
I was one of those who suffered through both my pregnancies, being hospitalized numerous times for dehydration due to sickness..not fun
BUT two beautiful amazing boys came out of those times and it was truly worth it...
blessings to you Allison
sending you much love and light
...and excitement!!

Julia S. said...

I read this as I'm laying here snuggling and nursing my baby love! I'm SO excited for you and Tony! What a lucky baby! :o) Congratulations!

bonddi said...

How absolutely wonderful! Congratulations! Maybe you will have a little Aquarian -- Feb. 6 is a very auspicious day (it is my birthday). Just don't trust those buttons on the string to predict whether it is a boy or girl, when I was pregnant with twins I was preparing for two girls....not!

Lorena sometimes ... said...

ooooooh . . . it was fun to hold that little secret in the pocket of my heart, for the past little bit!

you have so eloquently plinked away at that old keyboard, that i have tears in my eyes, all over again, at hearing your joyful news!

i can't wait to see you change, and grow through this (maybe sometimes queasy) process, and then finally blossom with all passion into the gorgeous mother i know you will be

and then, i really can't wait, to see, and to hold, and to love -- your little one!!!

XOxo
L.

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Ladies, I love you, I do.
Each comment makes me fill up something fierce:
thank you more than I can express.
Xo
a

UmberDove said...

Oh Lady.




OOOOH Lady. My joy and excitement for you SPILLETH OVER like Niagara Falls. And I will continue to hold you ALL in my heart up high.

LOVE!

Illustratornette said...

Congratulations Alison!

gallerydarrow said...

OHHHHHHH congratulations!!!!

kerin rose said...

grace....
gorgeousness...
and
transcendence...
thats what you are, Allisunny....

just hang on for the ride, honey...you will get the best present ever when its all over! xoxo

Corinna said...

Dearest Sunny, This is simply the most precious and wonderful news! You are such a bright soul, with so much light to share. Congratulations!!! xoxoxoxoxox

Kelly said...

Oh my heart is leaping for you...how simply, wordlessly, wonderful news. I sit here in his special space and toast you with my tea this morning for, you my dear, are going to make one heck of an amazing mother!

Mari Huertas said...

I squealed out loud and ran tearing through the house saying "Bean bean bean! Allison is pregnant!" when I read this news.

Ridiculously overjoyed for you and yours.

I look forward to seeing the gentle and radiant light of your and Anthony's souls pass into creating and nurturing another.

Much love,
The other bean. ;)

EmeliaRo said...

:)

Amanda said...

How exciting! Congratulations! Y'all are going to be spectacular parents.

Snailentina said...

Congratulations Lady, lots of blessings and light for all of you!

Set Love Free said...

Sweet Allison, Congratulations to you and Anthony - we are praying for a healthy baby!! :) The concept of love takes on a whole new dimension when you are a parent. Blessings all around! --Lisa

emmy d said...

So many blessings and wishes to you!!! (A Cup of Jo has some great posts about motherhood FYI). Looking forward to hearing about your journey!

Belinda Saville said...

Oh my Allison, the most hearty congratulations to you and daddy-to-be Anthony! I am utterly thrilled that this wee miracle has chosen to bless your lives...and what amazing parents you will be :-)

Just wait until the second trimester starts and you will have the most incredible burst of energy! The morning sickness will be nothing but a distant memory :-)

I am SO excited to follow this wonderful new journey of yours <3

B.
-xxx-

Kathleen said...

so amazing! the best is yet to come. you think you love your hubby. wait till you see the combined love of you both, in your arms, gazing up at you.

congrats!

Kathleen said...

So amazing and congrats!

i cannot wait to see what a great mother I know you will be.

Buffalo Lucy said...

Oh!!! Big congrats!! I carried around slices of fresh ginger and would just hold it under my nose whenever the waves of nausea would hit. Worked better than anything else!

Congrats again, so excited for you!

Heidi said...

Congratulations!! :)

Char said...

Congratulations! I am excited for the future of you both, and your soon to be bundle of joy!

Jennifer said...

congratulations allison!! very excited for you!! :)

Nialah said...

Congratulations Allison!!!! I am sooo thrilled for you and your husband. Sending you so much love. I know you will make an amazing mother.

Xoxoxoxo

M

Natalia said...

Ohhhh I'm so happy for you guys! Congratulationsssssssss!! what a beautiful post!

Theresa said...

Congratulations to you both! I'm so happy for you. :D

Mariann Monika said...

Blessings to you, your family, and your little 'bump'!
What a beautiful mother you will be...

P.S. My word verification is 'Alica'.
A hint from the heavens, maybe?
:o)

thewindhover said...

Congratulations dear lady, I know you will brave this new journey beautifully. I found eating rice crackers (the thick ones) before I got out of bed helped with morning nausea a lot. And fresh ginger sliced up with honey in hot water. Now that I'm nearing 15 weeks I feel a lot better, except still the head-spins if I get up too fast! Sending lots of love from my little bean to yours xx

Sunny Rising Leather said...

I am so amazed at the sweet words and fabulous suggestions you have offered me.
Thank you a million times over.
Thank you.
Xo
Allison

tigerlilyleather said...

You seem like you would be such a cool mom. Congrats on your new gift!

MrsLittleJeans said...

O my gosh...what incredible news, what a great mom you will be xoxoxoxss

resolute twig said...

Congrats my friend!
You will be amazing!
xo

Lynsey Phelps - VerreEncore said...

:) oh what joy! congratulations!! praying for the health of you and yours x

Tasha Imajin said...

Allison! <3 Beautiful gestation sister, Congratulations! I just hit 12 weeks on Friday and we finally broke the news to some friends and my parents. I'm so excited for you and love that you shared the news in such a wonderful way.

It gets better, I promise! I know everyone is different, but suddenly last week my nausea went away. The 8th and 9th weeks were the worst.

Hugs and kisses to you, my dear!

Runs4fun said...

beautiful news indeed! congratulations to both of you. perhaps i'll get to see you 'showing'...as i'll be...your way in mid October! xoxo

John Dearden said...

Congrats. You are amazing as always.
I also have to say that am always impressed with your style of writing and loved the Bill and Tedd comment.

Alice Istanbul said...

How exciting!!! So, so, so happy for you guys :)

Swoony said...

Congrats Alison! I have been reading your blog for quite awhile now, on and off and felt I should finally say hello...And congratulations! Through reading your triumphs, trials and successes on the blog I feel as though I know a small part of you. Isnt that something? I live in Australia! You are a bright soul indeed. I also work with silver (not at the moment though, but will be back to work soon) And Im also newly pregnant...10 weeks! I look forward to reading about your experiences over the next few precious months :) Jenna

Amanda said...

Love. Congratulations. What a remarkable mother you will make. xo

RosyRevolver said...

I love you. I love, I love you, I love you.

Welcome to the adventure.
I'll be here every step of the way . . . and always.

<3
J

Taddyporter said...

Oh beautiful lady!! Sending many loving wishes to you and sweet Schmill, my heart is full with such important news!

Stacie @ azoho.com said...

Congratulations- wishing you an uncomplicated & peaceful pregnancy. It's a wonderful journey you're on. ;-)

jordan said...

you already know how happy i am for you, but i want to tell you that as much love as you feel for the little life right now, it's nothing compared to the love you will feel every day after today...it grows and grows and grows and only gets better as time goes by!! as i cuddled my sleeping 7 month old (!!!) today at a friend's birthday party, my chest felt full of soul-wrenching adoration for this perfect little man who makes me feel entirely complete. there is NOTHING better than this. truly.
xoxox
j

ElisabethSpace said...

Beautiful, off the cuff, soulful. I'm overjoyed for you and Anthony. (You wrote this so well, your post scared me a bit because it made me want something similar...and I don't want babies!)