Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thoughts on Resistance

I was driving today to Venice Beach to pick up a check from an art show I did: it is overcast and cozy here in Los Angeles today ( see snuggly duo for reference ):

So there I sat in traffic getting more and more annoyed in response to my environment as I waited and I had a moment of such crystal clarity - I want to share these realizations with you in case any of you may echo something similar in your experiences.

I had a wonderful chance given to me this week ( musically ) and after doing the hard work of amassing a wonderful, professional package to ship to someone very important I felt blessed and also responsible: this 'crest' of emotion - this JOY in all caps had to be tempered with an even and grounded center:
I used to get so high and so low in my early twenties when opportunities came and went. Everyday life was a rollercoaster of epic scope and it exhausted me and depressed my ability to live with balance.

The chance in front of me created a high this week, and I wanted to see where it took me by  observing the emotions instead of investing in it as I used to. 

What I saw more than anything was how deeply I resist letting joy simply BE in my body: how firmly I attach myself to finding the logical 'downers' in life. For example, there I sat today under a cloudy sky ( my favorite kind ) listening to a CD I love on a street that I know and my default setting was to find the things NOT to like.
I stopped. I remembered what really matters and I found myself breathing with relief the way we all do when we let go of our resistance.
In these next few weeks while I wait for reverberations from this beautiful reminder of musicianship I will keep a vigilant heart. I will witness my resistance and remember that good things need space to come into our lives.
If we are concentrating on what is wrong, will we miss the subtle breeze from somewhere delicious leading us towards a better path. Instead of tipping our nose and turning into the mystery we will hear that heaven was near from someone else and voila: one more thing to get grumpy over. Something else we missed. 
I for one am going to try to create more room for miracles by letting go of my resistance one short drive at a time.


Dave Zeman said...

That would be the you that I've come to admire... I too was blessed by someone in the plant telling me, "Dave you are always smiley and happy", to which I replied, "Yep that's the way I am."...

I understand the high expectations and low feeling when things don't happen, but you are right don't let them get you down, and for goodness sake don't live life expecting them. Better yet expect to sail thru any low, higher than you have ever sailed.

BTW... I was on tv again... maybe you could find me a nice infomercial I could do, and it would give me a chance to see your next concert. HA..

thewindhover said...

Thank you so much for the kind comment about my quilt.

Firstly, what a delightful place this is. Many a time have I perused your etsy shop and gazed lovingly at so many beautiful leather goods; yes when I save well I will definitely buy a treasured piece.

And secondly, I know what you mean in this post - about being easily caught up in daily frustation, not finding time to just be joyful in being. I think its harder for artists because rushes of creativity and opportunity comes and goes (and for me at least, really impacts my moods). But we keep doing what we do, loving life, finding joy in the simple - which enriches all, I beleive!

Good Girls Studio said...

I really needed to hear that today! Thank you for sharing from your heart so generously!

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Dave - what a cool thing you're on TV again!!

Thewindhover - it's TRUE - even down to the backing fabric that quilt spoke to my soul :) I think you're right about the 'rushes' of creativity affecting everything!

Goodgirls - thank YOU - I hope you are amazing today :)

The Noisy Plume: said...

Oh lady.
Do I ever second this post.
So often, if I'm feeling depressed or generally overwhelmed with negativity, it's because I'm focusing on myself and my tiny issues and I'm missing out on the broader scope of life and community and WORLD!

I'm just a blip on the cosmic scale, why focus on the dark when so much light abounds.

Thanks for this post.