I was driving today to Venice Beach to pick up a check from an art show I did: it is overcast and cozy here in Los Angeles today ( see snuggly duo for reference ):
So there I sat in traffic getting more and more annoyed in response to my environment as I waited and I had a moment of such crystal clarity - I want to share these realizations with you in case any of you may echo something similar in your experiences.
I had a wonderful chance given to me this week ( musically ) and after doing the hard work of amassing a wonderful, professional package to ship to someone very important I felt blessed and also responsible: this 'crest' of emotion - this JOY in all caps had to be tempered with an even and grounded center:
I used to get so high and so low in my early twenties when opportunities came and went. Everyday life was a rollercoaster of epic scope and it exhausted me and depressed my ability to live with balance.
The chance in front of me created a high this week, and I wanted to see where it took me by observing the emotions instead of investing in it as I used to.
What I saw more than anything was how deeply I resist letting joy simply BE in my body: how firmly I attach myself to finding the logical 'downers' in life. For example, there I sat today under a cloudy sky ( my favorite kind ) listening to a CD I love on a street that I know and my default setting was to find the things NOT to like.
I stopped. I remembered what really matters and I found myself breathing with relief the way we all do when we let go of our resistance.
In these next few weeks while I wait for reverberations from this beautiful reminder of musicianship I will keep a vigilant heart. I will witness my resistance and remember that good things need space to come into our lives.
If we are concentrating on what is wrong, will we miss the subtle breeze from somewhere delicious leading us towards a better path. Instead of tipping our nose and turning into the mystery we will hear that heaven was near from someone else and voila: one more thing to get grumpy over. Something else we missed.
I for one am going to try to create more room for miracles by letting go of my resistance one short drive at a time.