Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tea for Two

In yoga the other day my teacher told me
to invite my fear to tea;
perhaps then it could tell me why it has been so strong and so constant
for such a long time

And so I made a space
in quiet meditation
where I set the table and laid out my favorite tea cups.
I brewed rose-scented black tea, my favorite,
and offered a cup to my companion
asking
politely,

"So why are you here so consistently?"

Sipping its tea slowly and thoughtfully, fear's cup clattered to the table in epiphany...
It looked me in the eye and cried,
"I am trying to save your life!

"I bring to mind mountain lions so that you don't get lost in the woods
I make you blush so that dangerous strangers cannot get too close
I know the things that lurk in the night
And the noises in your heater that will cause a fire...

I have seen centuries of pain
and eons of cruelty!

In every moment
In all of your lifetimes I have been here
trying so hard to save that beating heart
I am devoted to
.
and
.
every
.
time
.
I
.
have
.
failed."


We both sit silently for a while now, fear and I...

For me, it becomes a matter of cultivating compassion instead of wanting to push madly,
understanding the good intent behind the stream of words I still cannot always decipher from instinct....

for fear, it becomes a matter of simply understanding that it will lose me
again
.
and again
.
and again
.
unceasingly.



For all things it is true that love means letting go;

even the stuff we most wish to shed
may, in its adoring, cling more tightly
to our breast.




13 comments:

Cat said...

wow...love this
so good!
fear and I sometimes walk together
you are so right
fear wants to be heard, acknowledged, listened to...validated
most times we walk in silence,,,,side by side
eventually fear leaves
and I keep walking
nothing to fear here.....

love and light

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Cat, so lovely to read your words today and with each post;
thank you for being a part of this wonderful community
and leaving footprints :)
xoxoxo
a

Sybil Ann said...

Oh Allison. This was SO true it made me cry. If we can find compassion for our own fear maybe it's not impossible to find it for everything.

Snailentina said...

Interesting, a few weeks ago I also invited a few unwanted, and recurring guests of this sorts over for tea, I am still inviting them, but I told them this was the last cup. I love your words!

dailycoyote said...

chillschills oh, I love this!

Gorgeous, gorgeous, and so honest....
and PURE.

I'd give anything to have tea with you right now, darn it!
Maybe in two weeks? {{{heee!!!!}}}

MrsLittleJeans said...

Nice take...I like your gorgeous point of view! xoxo

Heather Fawn said...

Beautiful, amazing post. Fear and I walk together sometimes too. And what dailycoyote said, I'd love to be having tea with you right now :)

Cat said...

There is no shame in fear when expressed honestly. And then it must be handled with an open heart and courage. I love what you have written here, you hit on things I didn't even know I agreed with! You sweet, strong woman, you are so true.

resolute twig said...

this is so lovely Allison...

mme. bookling said...

"For me, it becomes a matter of cultivating compassion instead of wanting to push madly"

Self-care at its finest, my sunshine smile.

Your words are sexy.
Your mind, too.

Was thinking about you on the bus ride to work today...have no idea why, but I don't question these things. My answer was, "I must know her better."

Sunny Rising Leather said...

Sybil: Aw, I am so glad it resonated with you. Amen to finding compassion for everything: a lifelong journey if there ever was one :) xoxoxoxox

Snailentina - Aha!!! I laughed with delight at the 'last cup' - brilliant :)

DC - TWO WEEEEEEEKS????? Get over here, you!! Eee!

MLJ: Well, thank you my dear :) xoxoxoxox

Heather: Someday, perhaps we will have tea - the world is rich with possibility!! :) xoxoxoxox

Cat: I blush: thank you, my dearest. :) xoxoxox

Resolute Beauty: as are you :) xoxoxoxox

Mme: please, let's seriously!!! Your mind is freakin' gorgeous to me ;)

reconstructing sarah said...

sometimes my fear lives in my bones.

x.

Indigo Swallow said...

This is poignant.
This is perfect.